I think I had a previous life on another planet as an advanced being. My mind has empty slots where transcendental emotions of pure bliss should be.
I've written about this before to an extent. It just seems like my expectations are too high for everything. The feelings of joy, happiness and pleasure just seem to fall short of what my mind is telling me they should be like. I feel like I've been robbed of emotions and abilities that I once had. I can feel extreme misery, pain, anxiety, sadness, etc but where is the flip side? It seems off balance to me. No wonder why life is such a struggle when I feel so inhibited like part of me has been deactivated. One thing that my subconscious has told me is that if I had someone to share life with it would bring me closer to those types of feelings. It is part of who we are (for most of us anyway) to desire a profound connection with a person. On the other hand there are those that insist that we should be able to function completely independent and feel complete without a significant other. I think it depends on the person but I am who I am and I desire companionship despite how difficult that is for me to find. I can't just sweep it under the rug and ignore it because it's been such a daunting endeavor. I'm not saying that I have it worse or better than anyone but this is my human experience and it feels like a wild goose (or heron) chase. All I can do is try to endure the hardships, count my blessings and make the best of it. I can write about it and continue to dream, imagine, create music and embrace the wonders that exist in nature.