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the fact that i should probably go to a therapist become more and more apparent as i socialize more and more especially since i cant form any physical attraction to anyone who shows actual interest in me and stay almost obsessed with a man who has almost no interest in me what so ever and has very openly told me that he doesnt see us going pass friendship... the worst part is that hearing that almost puts me at ease.
i dont know what im doing... i have goals and ideas but can never work on any of them unless im in a manic episode and those dont happen half as much as my depressive ones do... it's kinda bleak but ive found some odd feeling of comfort in being ever so slight off than everyone else, im a golden child that no one gets too close to because it's wildly more apparent to them how openly unhinged i am than it is to anyone else.
but im likeable and im glad to hear that especially with years of a neglectful childhood sprinkled in with softcore mental/verbal abuse
im 21 one now and ive kind of turned all of this into an 'ironic' personality but sometimes when im alone and writing in my diary i find myself laughing at just how bad i (and the adults who were around me) let this all get. i'm getting better now... just uh, not when it comes to my love life lol
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