these two.

why do certian people make you feel supernatural feelings? as an empath, i can feel peoples 'secrets', their 'shame, their hate- you know, things even they dont want to feel. and thats my problem, im very very 'attracted' to people who have these hidden shames, problems, or hate. i like when they tell me them, i like when they open up, because it lets me know IM doing right. lets me know they trust me and love me enough to do that- especially boys and men. i had an experience a few days ago where someone i love extremely much, cry in my arms. this hurt me. so much. but it only hurt because i felt what they were putting out. anyway this wasnt the main focus, i want to understand why feelings are different based on each person. i know that sounds like a really straight forward to answer question, but its not- its a far deeper question that many people wouldnt even think to ask. why did you have such a big impact on my life, especially after you left? i can answer that question myself- because i loved you and barely knew you, but desired to know you better than you know yourself. aka those hidden secrets. the answer im really looking for is why did i love you so hard? what was i looking for? in this case, they didnt let me get close at all, then completely ghosted me after YOU asked me for a reasoning for my doing. i mean shit i dont wanna sound crazy or anything but history repeats itself 100%. many things can prove my point for that but thats a whole new story. one reason i believe it does repeat is because a year ago we were in our prime together, when you used to actually talk to me, deeply, kindly, happily. what happened?? now i see you left them, now youre staring at me, looking at my story, you know, shit like that. do you like me now? do you see what i was seeing in you in me? do you? i hope so. so youll chase me for a year and see how it feels to be ignored, overlooked, stepped on. maybe you did, maybe they taught you a lesson and now youre realizing ive always been the one. you WILL realize what you lost. because them over me? cmon. especially that deep unexplainable soul connection, i hope you feel it now, because ive been struggling with the same good or bad feeling trying to figure out why youre the ONLY person ive ever felt that with. as much as i hate what you put me through, i dont hate you, and i dont hate the words you said to me, or the thoughts you thought able me. i hate how you acted, what you portrayed, after all the many sweet things i did for you, the things i remembered about your personal life since you rarely ever told me about it. i miss the feeling of your presence, i miss playing destiny, i miss the way you say your words, i miss when you told me about your old puppy you had, Abe. i miss the stupid things we would talk about to start up a conversation. i miss that forever feeling of happiness to be alive. but i dont miss the no replies, i dont miss the mean things you said about me, and to me. i dont NOT miss much, because as much as the hell you put me through burned, i came out a brand new person.