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Dressing femme

Yo, folks! So, there's been something on my mind for a while. It bothers me constantly but I often wonder if there's really anything I can actually do about it...

So. I am trans, as I've said and made clear a million times. A trans man, though I prefer the term transmasculine. Maybe for now; the journey of self-discovery is a wonderful thing. Anyway, despite this, I still outwardly dress quite femme at times. Not necessarily because I want to but because that's all that's available in my wardrobe right now.

Yeah, you're probably thinking, just get a new wardrobe, man!! Unfortunately, it's not so simple for me...

...or maybe it is and, as usual, I've just been making things hard for myself...😟

I have a problem with money. I don't spend it wisely. I'll be the first to admit that with tears in my eyes. It's something I am greatly ashamed of. I either spend what very little money I have on food or on accessories. That's because of two reasons:

  • Shopping for accessories online is so freaking easy
  • Shopping online for clothes, since I've gained a lot of weight, is so fucking hard
  • Shopping for clothes offline is almost just as mentally hard since I'm embarrassed of my body and the clothing stores I can afford are very far away; I don't have a car

Maybe these are excuses. Maybe they aren't. Even I'm not entirely sure. All I am certain of is that I am ashamed. Ashamed of everything. Ashamed of my body, ashamed of living the way I do, ashamed of fucking breathing. Such a waste of space...

But that's for another time.

Back on topic, this pic shows how I typically dress when I'm not wearing the same "masculine/neutral" outfit every day (that I will show some other time).

...I don't like it, but it's literally one of the few things I could salvage from my old wardrobe that still fit me. It's a very flattering dress, don't get me wrong. But I just...It's so feminine, yeah? 🙁

It's not for me.

One day, I will be able to dress the way I desire. I just don't know when I'll be able to get the courage to shop wisely again. Or maybe the smarts to? Hm. We'll see, I guess, in the future.

So, I personally have nothing against dressing feminine as a transmasculine individual. It's simply not for me, as I said. Whomever feels comfortable dressing however they want, all power to you! I follow so many incredible people on Instagram who I practically envy because they just have the most amazing confidence to dress the way they want...

One day, eh?

...One day...


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Tigerlily's profile picture

While my gut instinct is to say clothes have no gender and anyone can dress any way they want- you did say it's just not for you! And that's okay :) I do suggest going to trans pride events in June! It's a ways away, but many of them will have clothing swaps where you trade your old clothes for gender re-affirming ones- so you can have new masculine clothes while a trans woman can walk away with your old feminine clothes. I went to one once and got one of my favorite button-ups there, and it's all free. I hope that helps!!

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OH MY GOSH, that sounds SO COOOOOOOL! I'll definitely look into it and see if there's anything like that here, and if there isn't, maybe I can vouch for one. Thank you!

by Elian Hollow; ; Report


Xx_J4GG3RK1MBL3Y_xX's profile picture

u look rlly good!! dnt worry abt what others say abt u or how u choose 2 present....ppl who think tht trans ppl hav to dress in a certain way r boring!! im nonbinary n i dress howevr i want n i lov myself

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Thank you very much, and I agree wholeheartedly!

by Elian Hollow; ; Report


Mushy's profile picture

I hope that one day you get to be authentically you however you dress. I think your outfit is pretty cool! and I wish people understood sometimes that not everybody can access or afford the clothing they want to wear to present they way they see themselves, but also knowing that they are still valid in the way they dress whatever they identify as. I wish nothing but hope and just know you are valid!

- a fellow nb/trans person :)

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You are absolutely right, and I'm glad some people understand. I feel so awkward dressing femme sometimes...but at the moment, it's what I have.

Thank you so much!!

by Elian Hollow; ; Report


STRAWBERRYCYANIDE_'s profile picture

hey man, i'm a trans guy myself and i totally get how you feel. i definitely make a concerted effort to dress more masculine, or, well, my variation of it at least. on the days when i feel like wearing a skirt it feels like i've got to choose between me and society's expectation of who i should be. i admire you for being optimistic about the future and having faith in knowing that things will get better one day, i try and have that mindset myself. hang in there

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Thank you! Yeah, an effort to dress more masculine is...hard. At least, as I've described, in my situation...and condition. Take care of yourself.

by Elian Hollow; ; Report