Struggles w/ gender

I grew up in a semi-religious household and while it wasn't pushed on me by my family I was certainly exposed to many misogynistic views. Most of these were the "ideals of a woman" which, even then, I could never meet. I didn't want a husband, nor would I ever serve him like what they said was my purpose. From the moment I was born what society said what a was woman didn't fit who I was or who I wanted to be. Being a woman was scary it came with; Fears of sexual assault, judgement no matter what I did, being overlooked, and while so many people deny it still happens, I was held at a lower rank by men. I had to grow up fast to protect myself, learn what traits were acceptable for a woman to have and hide the ones that scared men. Being a man included not only opportunities but freedom and safety. And such I fantasized about being a man. Not that I truly felt as if I was one. I could just be more and the pressures of expectations would be almost entirely lifted. When you live your whole life seeing men get praised for what you were shamed for just because you were a woman you no longer want to be a woman.