a conversation between siri and the 32-year-old woman hiding in timothée chalamet's bushes

hello! this is a monologue i wrote in my writers group. the prompt was, "write a monologue delivered to siri," which in itself is a sentence that MySpace wouldn't have understood back when there was a myspace.

i don't know how to use this platform but maybe i can use it to publish the silly monologues i write in writers group.

a conversation between siri and the

32-year-old woman hiding in timothée chalamet's bushes

by Sarah Jae Leiber

hey, siri? how old is timothée chalamet?

and - before you tell me - please know that i am not TRYING to be like this. this is just how i GET when i’m SECOND GUESSING MYSELF in the BUSHES.

like, am i really going to risk it all for someone who’s too young to remember the contemporaneous Rachel haircut? is timothée chalamet old enough to remember when Friends was more than just an ironic nostalgia product?

siri, when i saw that man

boy

man

yesterday at starbucks, i knew. i knew we’d seen each other for a reason! and i KNEW he felt that way, too.

so.

here i am.

squatting outside of a famous actor’s bachelor pad, praying he remembers our Moment.

did we have a moment because it was a moment or did we have a moment because attractive people are always giving less attractive people Moments by nature of being attractive?

is celebrity just a manufactured love connection between a normal person and a pretty face?

does timothée chalamet even remember seeing me?

was that even him?

because if i’ve convinced myself this was a meet-cute when it was actually something else, i’m ruining these muddy boots for nothing.

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