Dork dungeon is my mind's home: my diary of doom

Hello! This is my daily diary blog of all the disasters that outbreak in my life!!

Before i get started with day 1, id like to explain some things first...soo...i think i may start writing about my daily life because, well, i am lonely and like affirming myself! Cough cough.. but i am not extremely bothered with who does or does not read my "diary" as i seem to talk for copious amounts of time with no good reason haha. So.... here we begin: format of date will be (day/month/year)

This diary will mark every significant (possibly incredibly insignificant details) events and ways i go about my day to day life. Great! Who would want to know about you, Cam? Huh? Man i dont know. 

A little set of warnings before my public diary begins at its very first day of birth:

!!There will be sensitive topics including: mentions of unhealthy ideation, neurodivergence, fustration, fandom shipping discourse, uncontrollable thoughts that may invoke guilt, lukewarm emotions, insincerity to oneself and others, blurred sense of reality, honest weird thoughts that may come across " disgusting" to the comfortable.

You have been warned, these will be described in my own thought sense and i do not condone hatred towards others nor myself here; this is a safe place for me to talk about happy, sad or strange emotions and events. If you harass people/ intent of harm, please discontinue reading my blog.

3/6/26 

Today my day was pretty damn generic, the same kind of cycle of waking up, though this month leaks into new territory of terrible exams: my GCSEs...

So isnt that a nuce diary entry for day 1? Haha yup! If you do not know what GCSEs are, they are your finals in the Uk where it determines whether you will be earning yourself a place in college or being stripped bared butted and forced into the potholes of the roads.

 Im guessing im on that edge of the line. 

Let me give you some sort of context based on why i SHOULD be worried about my grades that will come back at around august (even though im shocked at how relatively calm i am, knowing myself) 

I hadn't attended the whole of year 10 (aka 9th grade) which iwas incredibly stunting towards my studies as it is a crucial year where we were meant to learn the whole curriculum of our gcses. I learn nothing. Zero. Absolute nought. I am diagnosed with asd (autism spectrum disorder,) adhd (attention-deficit-hyperactivity-disorder) AND mdd (mjor depressive disorder)

True this is a lot of nerfed mental debilitating disorders, thats what i felt, how could i have achieved anything in life when i am so utterly useless at anything. I was 15, i couldn't do anything, i was in bed for weeks at a time, i wouldn't eat, i wouldn't talk, wouldn't attend school. I layed there taking in the dead cells of my body being excreted from my fan.

 I suffered with issues of not hurting myself, hospital visits were always threatened by my parents whenever they found me there- arms sprawled out raw. It never hurt to the extent of shedding tears. It just felt tingly. I refused the help i needed to treat my physical and mental state for months on end. Never spoke to my parents. I was catatonic with hatred and pity.

I, now, am much healthier mentally, and i now leave the house and go to school (well not so much now due to our study leave,) thought this doesn't mean i am completely healed yet neither. I was forced onto sertaline (an antidepressant) and concerta (a stimulant). I feared taking these kinds of medications because i didnt want to be a different person. And so..i was a different person after taking them. 

I hated it- i still hate it- heck i still want to get off these meds and not be stripped silly chemistry experiment. I am a person too, not a machine that dispenses coins or moral responses you were looking for. I miss jerking off without the constraints of chemically induced erectile dysfunctional. To hell with it, man. 

Well now context has been steadily handed out, i want to talk about my actual exam i did today..

Honestly wasn't terrible and that is quite alot coming from me. I love trigonometry but of fucking course it doesn't come up more than once. I do believe i got the questions cracked down up to the last two or three. Beginners luck (joking). Im proud of myself. Home situation is still complicated and hard to withstand but i look forward to being free in the future even if i lack independence.

Tomorrow will be my french writing gcse. Im not worried in the slightest. Ps, i am frech... Teehee.

Love you all, 

Considerations, Cam. 🕊️🍭