Honey and Rose 🌹

I spent all morning yesterday in tears. Crying so hard I couldn’t breathe. Having the full on panic attack that comes with the realization that my husband is never coming home. I need to let go and just be over it….

A girl commented on C’s (I won’t use his real name for privacy reasons) mug shot. I knew who she was bc I had asked about her before… she was in his cashapp and he said they just sent money back and forth. 

We got to talking and she confirmed what I already knew, C was f*cking with her. She pulled up Facebook conversations. I could see where she was sending him nudes while I was literally laying in his bed sleeping. He never loved me. 

She confirmed what I had suspected about late December of ‘24. I for a time thought that maybe it was Canset who was going to live with him, but he had this girl, “S” staying with him. Things felt weird the morning he told me she was going to move in with him. Little did I know he was planning on moving in his drug addicted escort…. I told him no and that I was just going to dump him, so he told her she had to leave. 

I got to spend some time with her and she apologized to me. She knew about me and was fucking with him anyway. It hurt, but it was the confirmation I needed. She said they had been f*cking the whole time I was with him in 2024 and that she was giving BJ’s when she was staying with him in late December. 

I saw all of the conversations, all of the photos. She said they had a Daddy / little dynamic, which makes me feel even more gross since we have a daughter together. He never wore protection, so I am so lucky my daughter doesn’t have any diseases from the pregnancy, and I am grateful I am clean too. So much for his “I don’t fuck with the trash in FW”… you were fucking with and paying for trash dawg. STFU. 

Shes cleaned her life up and she’s pregnant with a good man now. She met my daughter. I could never say she is trash on her own at this point, but to be paying for sex and fucking with her raw knowing what she was doing…. He took advantage of her when she was like 18. This MF told me he didn’t like f*cking with younger women bc they are immature …. Well, that was another lie. He was physically f*cking her and I asked about her specifically. He said “she’s just a friend” … I asked him if he ever paid for s*x… he said “no”. I asked him who was moving in with him and he said he said “S” had an ex named James who he was helping put up some hoe he was cheating on “S” with… no… it was “S” …. It was her the whole time. She was the “guy friend” he was visiting at the halfway house… every time he said “T” was needing vapes and sh*t, it was actually her… 

I feel like God gave me what I need to move on at my lowest point. “S” brought me into her home, gave me everything she could. She gave me an apology and confirmed a lot of things that I knew were true that “C” just wouldn’t f-ing admit to. I told her I wasn’t even mad, I accepted her apology no problem. I wouldn’t have even been mad at him if he would have just told me the truth… like bro… I KNOW you are lying. 

“S” said the most perfect thing that made me feel so seen. She said “He’s too addicted to s*x to be loyal, but too insecure to be in an open relationship” … and I think that summed it up pretty perfectly. He’s also 100% a completely compulsive liar who will do and say whatever he can to have his way and when the consequences come along, he gets argumentative and combative. 

All of this to say, I feel vindicated. I was right all along. 

I wish “C” would have just been f-ing honest with me. Like “hey, I’m a sugar daddy to this b*tch”, or “yeah, I have paid for encounters before” … literally anything.

He had to lie though. I told him the night before he got arrested that his lies ruined my life. He told me to “get over it, deal with it, STUF, and f*ck off”. Lies carry a heavy weight and ruin lives. This is something, a lesson, I feel only karma can deliver. 

I want reunification so badly, but he’s so sex addicted I would anticipate he will start seeing “S” again sometime in here. At least hitting her up. He has probably already started hooking up with other people. 

I put his ring and some family photos in the bag for him. I wanted reunification so badly, but these confessions are a crippling blow. I have to face the reality that I never mattered to him, for as badly as I wanted to. There was never a reality where he wasn’t going to put his hands on me in anger. These type of men see women as things to use. As objects. As property. If he truly loved me and trusted me, he would have just been honest. I f*cking knew anyway. I found that chick on fetlife and it gave escort vibes. You’re clearly paying for s*x. Nobody has 6 years of cashapp transactions like that over nothing bro. Like, come on. 

I was just a piece of property. I need to not forget all of the threats. Threats to my life and the lives of my loved ones. Threats to my best friend. Threats to my ex. Threats to take my baby, ruin my life with divorce and make it as “difficult and painful” as possible for me to leave him. There at the end it was multiple threats to burn the house down with all of us inside. M*rder / s**cide via multiple methods. Chaining me up in the kitchen. Threats to remove my head, bc he really was into that. It was and is a legit kink of his… he got off to scaring me. Not being scared is why I think I lived last time, and I refuse to be scared moving forward. He told me he was a serial k*ller on MULTIPLE OCCASIONS. He’s in the system now, so let’s see what happens to his DNA. I always thought it was some sick and f*cked up manipulative joke to abuse and scare me into staying, but what if it wasn’t? 

All of this to say, I’m devastated, but I know he’s going to serve me papers sometime in here to get his house back and I just have to be okay with signing them, for as badly as I love him and I want to just forgive him and take him back and be a family again. DCS is now involved as well and I’m terrified of losing my daughter. I have to invoke my inner momma bear and just step TF up and make sure the state doesn’t take my baby because her father is a violent POS.  

I forgive him. I hold no ill will towards him. I just feel like my heart is now a lot more prepared for what I know he is going to put it through to just avoid accountability and to hurt me. I don’t care though. I will always love him most, but he can’t hurt me anymore. I know the truth. I’m free. 

I’m free… I’m free… I’m free… I’m free… I’m free 

Now, I just have to let go. 

Thursday May 22st at 8:24am ET