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 remember when i was a kid, there was a time in my childhood where it seemed like the concept of gender wasn’t really a thing in my brain yet. i remember being around 3 or 4 years old, and on really hot days, the teachers would let both girls and boys play without their shirts on. i don’t remember finding much difference between my friends that were boys and my friends that were girls. there’s just this period in childhood where everything seems to blend together and there isn’t much difference. i don’t know how to explain it cause it’s really a feeling more than anything. anyways, fast forward to when i was around 11-13, i remember seeing the movie let the right one in on tumblr and being fascinated by it. i tried finding it everywhere to watch in brazil but i couldn’t. i developed a bit of an obsession for this movie id never seen that it never really left the back of my mind. so, fortunately now that piracy is quite an easy thing to access, i was able to finally watch this movie that was waiting for the right time for me to watch it. and honestly, im glad i found it a time where i feel sure about my gender identity, or the lack thereof. if u haven’t watched it yet and dont want spoilers, i suggest to not keep reading 
the scene where eli asks oskar if he would still like her even if she wasn’t a girl and oskar says yes really moved me because it really reminded me of that time in my childhood where i didn’t really differentiate people’s genders because that concept didn’t quite make sense to me yet. well, 24 years later, it still doesn’t. i don’t know if everyone has had an experience like this, but im sure im not the only one, and that makes me think that well…….. the concept of gender is just stupid. i think each individual is just so different, and experiences the world so uniquely, that gender to me seems like a box we are forced in for the sake of the success of the patriarchy. and it’s working i guess! which sucks!!!!!!! i just wish gender wasn’t a thing. it isn’t a thing to me and i don’t identify with the concept of it. ive been talking to my lesbian friend about it and im glad that being a lesbian itself already goes against societies' gender norms for as long as lesbianism existed...... cause honestly, i don't know if i could date a cis person cause i don't think someone who's cisgender would understand me 
anyways, back to the movie. i saw a lot of reviews saying that eli was grooming oskar to be her next caretaker, which honestly makes sense, but id like to interpret this movie the way my 11-13 year old self would interpret it. oskar’s love for eli is just really pure and innocent, so much so that he doesn’t care if eli is a boy or a girl. so id like to think that eli is just a 12 year old kid forever and her brain never develops, which would make her experience the same innocent love for oskar, and then she'll turn oskar into a vampire so they can be two kids in love forever. i think that’s the best kind of romantic love. there’s something so sweet about loving someone romantically when u are still a kid while u haven’t been corrupted by society yet, and i feel like ive lost that over the years. i used to be so obsessed with romantic love when i was a kid, in a way that i would consume it in media and daydream about it all the time. but i’m slowly starting to forget what that feels like. i wish i could still make up a person and fall in love with them in my imagination and think about it before going to sleep like i used to do when i was younger. anyways, this movie is just a beautiful coming of age story and i think any queer person can identify with it, so i totally recommend it. i also think something about it is so cozy, i don’t know, makes me think of winters where i would be snuggled in my bed while it snowed outside. it’s raining now so that really sets the vibe 
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