Is it better to speak or die

Could I ever get better? Perhaps not.how do I feel better? Who knows. How I wish I could rest beneath the grass and listen to the wind instead of feeling whatever that I'm feeling . It's clawing at my ribs trying so hard to be free but does it get free? No. FUCK THIS ALL .IM DISTURBED .IM NUMB.IM EVERYTHING AND NOTHING AT ONCE. I prefer getting admitted to a mental hospital.i hate hearing laughters but I do love hearing them attimes .

How divine I am ? To feel things that most humans does not feel even at their worst .how pathetic am I to be unable to feel the ease and warmth that they feel . How horrible I am? To be wanting to break a person's ribs and watching them choke ,needing to watch a person cry for their life while I could laugh quietly ,faintly.

Would it ever get better? Would i ever let this out free? Would i kill myself ?(I do think I will , perhaps after a few years of adult life) Would i sleep nicely again?could I ever fall in love? Could I laugh without a care in the world again? --Afterall these are all the questions that are better left unsaid .or so I redeem

I'm a mentally ill person and I'm self aware(I know my patterns ,flaws, qualities, diviness) ,I'm a lunatic,I'm a poet ,I'm an artist ,I'm an angry person,I'm a happy person ,I'm a pathetic person , I could be god if I tried and I must be destroyed.i myself know that hence I'm destroying myself .

How ironic life is 

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