you cant kill a dead baby

everyones freaking out that donald dork is shooting people in the streets, or people in the streets are shooting donglord dick, or maybe both, but the point is there was a blorb in the paper about political violence and i actually read it. or i tried to read it but it was so dull i went cross-eyed and farted, and my friend was sitting next to me so i had to say something to distract him from my farts and i said: i really look forward to the next assassination, theyre just so exciting

i only said it to do something new with the subject and make him forget i farded, but as it came out of my mouth i realized it was true. i had no idea i was so cynical! but it was true and i did find assassinations and just any violence exciting, the media coverage exciting, all the blood, very enticing. shouldnt things like that make me feel guilty? well they dont, ho

so we had something of a heated discussion after my ooc nihilistic outburst, with him for once defending the more soft hearted point of view, and me taking a crack at the more brutal angle. i explained how exciting the start of the ukrainién war was to hear about for the first time and how death happens to everyone eventually, so why not find the most entertainment we can from it? it doesnt change the death, it doesnt disrespect the dead, were just admitting to ourselves that the death was exciting: hearing something like this on the news is as good as any movie, probably better because its real. and as for the supposed futurew which were stolen from the victims, i dont believe in all that. people talk about the future like its fact. like a foregone conclusion. none of those people had a future to be taken away. why didnt they have a future? because they were killed. this makes sense to me, and never mind anything about circular logic.

its like abortion. people say that a three week old fetus is a child because it has the potential to be a child in the future, but thats not real, the future isnt a concrete thing we can judge. a fetus who is destined to be born and a fetus who is destined to be miscarried will both look the same to us at three weeks. we say they are babies because we think they will be one day, but one of them wont. is dead baby then not a baby, because we can now see into the future and say dead baby will never a baby be? the fetuses are equal, in my mind. if we dont know what the future holds for them, then they dont have a future. you feel me?

my friend, being the smart idiot that he is, brought up the question of personal involvement. if a friend of mine was killed in an exciting way, would i want people to be able to enjoy hearing about it without concern for my friends death? i had to admit he got me. i wouldnt mind people enjoying my death, hell id be dead and wouldnt care. but a friend of mine shouldnt be treated in such a way. so i was forced into self contradiction. i really did believe what i said earlier, but i also honestly do believe in respecting a persons grief, that human suffering is a terrible thing, and i do feel empathy for such suffering. i couldnt entirely reconcile these things with each other, so i just let it go. i think that every person with thoughts is allowed a certain margin of self contradiction for those thoughts and im just using that margin ho