𝘴𝘤𝘩𝘰𝘰𝘭 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘤𝘰𝘯𝘤𝘦𝘱𝘵 𝘰𝘧 𝘢 𝘩𝘰𝘮𝘦

              I've mentioned this before but I'm part of a program ran by our Department of Science and Technology called the STE (Science, Technology, and Engineering) program.

 𝘺𝘦𝘴 𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘺 𝘤𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘵𝘪𝘷𝘦 𝘣𝘶𝘵 𝘤𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘵𝘪𝘷𝘪𝘵𝘺 𝘪𝘴𝘯'𝘵 𝘸𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘸𝘦'𝘳𝘦 𝘬𝘯𝘰𝘸𝘯 𝘧𝘰𝘳. 𝘐𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘗𝘩𝘪𝘭𝘪𝘱𝘱𝘪𝘯𝘦𝘴 𝘩𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘴𝘤𝘩𝘰𝘰𝘭 𝘪𝘴 𝘴𝘱𝘭𝘪𝘵 𝘪𝘯𝘵𝘰 𝘵𝘸𝘰 𝘱𝘢𝘳𝘵𝘴 𝘑𝘶𝘯𝘪𝘰𝘳 (7𝘵𝘩-10𝘵𝘩 𝘨𝘳𝘢𝘥𝘦) 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘚𝘦𝘯𝘪𝘰𝘳 (11𝘵𝘩-12𝘵𝘩) 𝘏𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘴𝘤𝘩𝘰𝘰𝘭. 𝘐𝘯 𝘚𝘏𝘚 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘨𝘦𝘵 𝘵𝘰 𝘤𝘩𝘰𝘰𝘴𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘣𝘳𝘢𝘯𝘤𝘩 𝘭𝘪𝘬𝘦 𝘚𝘛𝘌𝘔 𝘰𝘳 𝘏𝘜𝘔𝘔𝘚 𝘣𝘶𝘵 𝘑𝘶𝘯𝘪𝘰𝘳𝘴 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘫𝘶𝘴𝘵 𝘭𝘪𝘬𝘦 𝘯𝘰𝘳𝘮𝘢𝘭 𝘩𝘴 𝘺𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘴. 𝘛𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘤𝘦𝘳𝘵𝘢𝘪𝘯 𝘴𝘤𝘩𝘰𝘰𝘭𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘚𝘛𝘌 𝘱𝘳𝘰𝘨𝘳𝘢𝘮 𝘸𝘩𝘪𝘤𝘩 𝘪𝘴 𝘫𝘶𝘴𝘵 𝘣𝘢𝘣𝘺 𝘚𝘛𝘌𝘔 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘣𝘢𝘣𝘺 𝘴𝘵𝘶𝘥𝘦𝘯𝘵𝘴 (𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘮𝘰𝘳𝘦 𝘴𝘱𝘦𝘤𝘪𝘢𝘭 𝘱𝘳𝘰𝘨𝘳𝘢𝘮𝘴 𝘭𝘪𝘬𝘦 𝘢 𝘫𝘰𝘶𝘳𝘯𝘢𝘭𝘪𝘴𝘮 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘢𝘯 𝘢𝘳𝘵𝘴 𝘣𝘳𝘢𝘯𝘤𝘩 𝘣𝘶𝘵 𝘮𝘺 𝘴𝘤𝘩𝘰𝘰𝘭 𝘥𝘰𝘦𝘴𝘯'𝘵 𝘰𝘧𝘧𝘦𝘳 𝘵𝘩𝘰𝘴𝘦 𝘶𝘯𝘧𝘰𝘳𝘵𝘶𝘯𝘢𝘵𝘦𝘭𝘺, 𝘪 𝘸𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥'𝘷𝘦 𝘮𝘶𝘤𝘩 𝘱𝘳𝘦𝘧𝘦𝘳𝘳𝘦𝘥 𝘵𝘰 𝘦𝘯𝘵𝘦𝘳 𝘢 𝘫𝘰𝘶𝘳𝘯 𝘱𝘳𝘰𝘨). 𝘛𝘩𝘦 𝘚𝘛𝘌 𝘱𝘳𝘰𝘨𝘳𝘢𝘮 𝘪𝘴𝘯'𝘵 𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘤𝘢𝘯 𝘫𝘶𝘴𝘵 𝘤𝘩𝘰𝘰𝘴𝘦 𝘣𝘶𝘵 𝘪𝘵'𝘴 𝘫𝘶𝘴𝘵 𝘢𝘯 𝘪𝘯𝘵𝘦𝘳𝘷𝘪𝘦𝘸 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘢 𝘯𝘢𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯𝘢𝘭 𝘦𝘯𝘵𝘳𝘢𝘯𝘤𝘦 𝘦𝘹𝘢𝘮 𝘉𝘜𝘛 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘤𝘢𝘯 𝘰𝘯𝘭𝘺 𝘦𝘯𝘵𝘦𝘳 𝘪𝘯 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘧𝘳𝘦𝘴𝘩𝘮𝘢𝘯 𝘺𝘦𝘢𝘳 (7𝘵𝘩 𝘨𝘳𝘢𝘥𝘦), 𝘭𝘪𝘬𝘦, 𝘪𝘧 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘥𝘦𝘤𝘪𝘥𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘸𝘢𝘯𝘯𝘢 𝘣𝘦 𝘢𝘯 𝘚𝘛𝘌 𝘴𝘵𝘶𝘥𝘦𝘯𝘵𝘴 𝘪𝘯 𝘴𝘢𝘺, 9𝘵𝘩 𝘨𝘳𝘢𝘥𝘦; 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦'𝘴 𝘯𝘰 𝘸𝘢𝘺 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘵𝘰 𝘨𝘦𝘵 𝘪𝘯. 𝘛𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦'𝘴 𝘢 𝘮𝘪𝘯𝘪𝘮𝘶𝘮 𝘨𝘳𝘢𝘥𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘵𝘰 𝘬𝘦𝘦𝘱 𝘵𝘰 𝘴𝘵𝘢𝘺 𝘪𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘱𝘳𝘰𝘨𝘳𝘢𝘮 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘪𝘧 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘢𝘳𝘦𝘯'𝘵 𝘢𝘣𝘭𝘦 𝘵𝘰 𝘮𝘢𝘪𝘯𝘵𝘢𝘪𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘮 𝘺𝘰𝘶'𝘭𝘭 𝘣𝘦 𝘬𝘪𝘤𝘬𝘦𝘥 𝘰𝘶𝘵 (85 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘮𝘢𝘫𝘰𝘳 𝘴𝘶𝘣𝘫𝘦𝘤𝘵𝘴 𝘢𝘯𝘥 83 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘮𝘪𝘯𝘰𝘳 𝘴𝘶𝘣𝘫𝘦𝘤𝘵𝘴). 𝘈𝘯𝘥 𝘪𝘧 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘥𝘰 𝘨𝘦𝘵 𝘬𝘪𝘤𝘬𝘦𝘥 𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘰𝘳 𝘥𝘦𝘤𝘪𝘥𝘦 𝘵𝘰 𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘱𝘳𝘰𝘨𝘳𝘢𝘮 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘤𝘢𝘯'𝘵 𝘳𝘦-𝘦𝘯𝘵𝘦𝘳 𝘦𝘪𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳.

𝘍𝘪𝘭𝘪𝘱𝘪𝘯𝘰 𝘤𝘭𝘢𝘴𝘴𝘦𝘴 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘰𝘳𝘨𝘢𝘯𝘪𝘻𝘦𝘥 𝘣𝘺 𝘨𝘳𝘢𝘥𝘦 𝘭𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘭 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘨𝘳𝘢𝘥𝘦𝘴 𝘴𝘰 𝘪𝘧 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘩𝘪𝘨𝘩 𝘨𝘳𝘢𝘥𝘦𝘴 𝘺𝘰𝘶'𝘭𝘭 𝘣𝘦 𝘨𝘳𝘰𝘶𝘱𝘦𝘥 𝘶𝘱 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘬𝘪𝘥𝘴 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘢𝘳𝘰𝘶𝘯𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘴𝘢𝘮𝘦 𝘨𝘳𝘢𝘥𝘦𝘴. 𝘠𝘰𝘶 𝘨𝘦𝘵 𝘢𝘴𝘴𝘪𝘨𝘯𝘦𝘥 𝘵𝘰 𝘢 𝘴𝘦𝘤𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘢 𝘩𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘳𝘰𝘰𝘮 𝘵𝘦𝘢𝘤𝘩𝘦𝘳/ 𝘢𝘥𝘷𝘪𝘴𝘦𝘳 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵'𝘴 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘤𝘭𝘢𝘴𝘴 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘳𝘦𝘴𝘵 𝘰𝘧 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘺𝘦𝘢𝘳, 𝘪𝘯 𝘮𝘰𝘴𝘵 𝘤𝘢𝘴𝘦𝘴 𝘺𝘰𝘶'𝘭𝘭 𝘣𝘦 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘮 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘦𝘯𝘵𝘪𝘳𝘦𝘵𝘺 𝘰𝘧 𝘑𝘏𝘚 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘰𝘯𝘭𝘺 𝘢 𝘩𝘢𝘯𝘥𝘧𝘶𝘭 𝘰𝘧 𝘱𝘦𝘰𝘱𝘭𝘦 𝘪𝘯 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘰𝘶𝘵. 𝘠𝘰𝘶 𝘥𝘰𝘯'𝘵 𝘨𝘰 𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘢𝘳𝘰𝘶𝘯𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘴𝘤𝘩𝘰𝘰𝘭 𝘵𝘰 𝘥𝘪𝘧𝘧𝘦𝘳𝘦𝘯𝘵 𝘤𝘭𝘢𝘴𝘴𝘳𝘰𝘰𝘮𝘴 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘥𝘪𝘧𝘧𝘦𝘳𝘦𝘯𝘵 𝘴𝘶𝘣𝘫𝘦𝘤𝘵𝘴. 𝘖𝘯𝘭𝘺 𝘰𝘯𝘦 𝘤𝘭𝘢𝘴𝘴𝘳𝘰𝘰𝘮 𝘱𝘦𝘳 𝘴𝘦𝘤𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘪𝘵'𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘵𝘦𝘢𝘤𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘮𝘰𝘷𝘦 𝘢𝘳𝘰𝘶𝘯𝘥. 

              With that aside, I'm fucking sick of it. Like, seriously, our classes are longer than your usual workshift! We don't even have time to do group projects and homework because more than half our day is spent at school!!!!! I've noticed my grades going down and I haven't really been as active in things as I used to be. I really had a lot going for me but last year was dogshit and I don't expect and different for this year. Christmas break was probably the best time for me in a while. School started yesterday but now I'm absent and I went home early yesterday cause I called in sick. It's so different from your usual "I don't wanna go to school." No, I know what that is. It's "What's the point of this anymore?" I mean, I know I've been incredibly pessimistic for a while now but I'm sooo serious. My grades have never been worst and I don't even fit in with my friend group anymore. Admittedly I have been hanging out with new peoe but I feel better hanging out with them online. I spent the entire break doing my chores, sleeping, and playing Minecraft with them. That's enough for me. 

             I don't have any hopes of actually achieving anything, I left that wishful thinking a long time ago. It's practically impossible for me at this point. There are things I could've done differently but there really is no way tk change them. There are just too many things I wanted too much that I knew deep in my heart that I couldn't have. No matter how many nights I spend crying for them

           I've always known that I'm not gonna live for very long. That's not a prediction or a feeling, it's something I've decided on. With that embeded in my mind, I've settled to my dreams and maladaptive daydreaming so I see no point in making in effort. Living mundane and domestic isn't something I'm against, especially if that means more free time to do the things I've resorted to. If I haven't made it clear enough I'm thinking of dropping the program, not even just that, I've been thinking of dropping out and going straight to work. School is just makes no sense to me at this point,. I'm not too worried about my education, the main reason my grades are so low is because I can't bother to do the projects and worksheets but when I do I always get high marks and I always score high in my exams so I have no doubt in my capabilities. I've gotten myself to start reading actual information texts in my free time so really, I'm all set. 𝘔𝘢𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘮𝘢𝘵𝘪𝘤𝘴 𝘸𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘢𝘭𝘸𝘢𝘺𝘴 𝘣𝘦 𝘢 𝘭𝘰𝘴𝘵 𝘤𝘢𝘶𝘴𝘦 𝘳𝘦𝘨𝘢𝘳𝘥𝘭𝘦𝘴𝘴 𝘰𝘧 𝘪𝘵 𝘐 𝘨𝘰 𝘵𝘰 𝘴𝘤𝘩𝘰𝘰𝘭 𝘰𝘳 𝘯𝘰𝘵

          I'm hesitating because what if I'm not able to get a job? What if my parents say no? I don't care if people think I'm throwing my life away because that's literally what I'm doing. It was on fire anyways. 

    𝘩𝘢𝘩𝘢 𝘰𝘬 𝘸𝘩𝘢𝘵𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘱𝘳𝘰𝘰𝘧𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘥 

𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦, 𝘶𝘵𝘤