Break up Season: Diary of a Teenage Girl #1

November 21st 2025 11:07 pm

I'm not expecting this post to get much traction but I just need to vent to someone who isn't my friend. Life has been such a damn roller-coaster lately and I really hate it.  I'm 15 and in grade 11 which is one of the most important grades so I'm already stressed enough.

 Since I don't know where to start I guess I'll start here.  Over a month ago, my now ex confessed to me about how he still had feelings for his ex girlfriend. For a bit of context, the ex girlfriend (we'll call her curls) and my ex (lets call him cat) dated for 8 months from 9th to the beginning of 10th grade. Around a month before me and Cat even became friends, Curls texted him saying something along the lines of "You're a chore to talk to and I genuinely hate speaking to you" and proceeded to block him on everything. He was upset by this and when he told me about it I was sympathetic because they seemed to be really close. Me and Cat start dating and everything is all find and dandy, we have our ups and downs like any couple does but we make it through. Then in early September, Cat texts me saying 

"hey, Curls just unblocked me. She wants to be friends again. I'll only keep talking to her if it's okay with you, but I want to reassure you that theirs nothing to worry about. She has a boyfriend".

 I'm a bit nervous, but I understand and trust Cat enough to let him keep talking to her. Later in the month I go to a party and have a but to much to drink. I get anxious and talk to my friends about how Cat talking to Curls again is bugging me and my friends urge me to talk about it with Cat. So I text him, drunk.

 I ask him "Were you over her when we got together?"

 He replies, "Yes of course. I love you so much. I don't have to talk to her anymore fi you're not comfortable with it"

Feeling more comforted I let him continue talking to her. Only to wake up the next Monday to see a text saying 

"I'm sorry love, I lied when you asked if I was over Curls when we got together. I wasn't not fully I don't think. But after not even two weeks with you I did actually get over her. I still missed her but only in a friend way. I'm so sorry I lied."

 Of course I get upset. But the thing about Cat is that he's not entirely mentally stable. Actually he's very unstable. He's always been suicidal and depressed and I was scared making him upset would lead him to hurting himself so I don't escalate further. I ask him to please stop talking to Curls and he does. Later all is well again but things between us were shaky. At one point he would only compliment me if we were "doing" stuff. Stupidly I don't bring it up. Come thanksgiving and I get a text from him.

"*my name?*"

"Yeah?"

"You know I love you right?"

"Yes I love you too cat, so much"

"I have to talk to you about something?"

"Is something wrong?"

"I think I still have feelings for Curls."

My heart completely shatters. I excuse myself, mumbling about my stomach hurting because of my period and I run downstairs, onto my mattress and I cry. He's apologizing profusely and i'm asking him

 "What the fuck is your problem? why would you do this? what does she have that I don't??"

He apologizes and apologizes and like an idiot I don't leave. Leaving would mean being alone and I hate being alone. I don't forgive him. I make him block her. I say never speak to her. I cry more. Later he texts me asking if he could please just text her and I say no. Texting after that became sparce. Anxiety fills me to the brim and this pit in my stomach won't stop growing. Eventually we make plans to hang out. I'm laying on his chest thinking "maybe things will go back to normal" When I see a message from her pop up. It isn't words its just an insta reel but I push myself off him and just become cold. He asks what's wrong. I ask why she texted him. He says he can't control what she does. I make him block her while I watch. A few weeks later he breaks up with me. I hate that I didn't do it first. He says it's because we can't communicate, that I don't trust him, that we can't hang out without something sexual happening. But it just feels like it was for her. We stay friends, I don't have much of a choice, all of our friends are mutual. Thing is, he still flirts with me. We're still hugging and staying close. He kisses my forehead then apologizes. We decide to hang out. We end up making out. We decide never to do that again. He won't shut up about Curls. I fucking hate Curls but I can't bring myself to hate him. I snap when he says he's inviting her to our winter concert. I tell him never to talk about her around me again. 

Ever since then texting has been sparce. We send each other videos and talk alot in school. He teases me and jokes with me like nothing happened. I like it more this way. NO commitment or title but I get his attention. It's bad I know. I'm not looking for pity. I fucked up by not leaving, by having no self respect. I don't want him back. But sometimes I wanna strangle him and Curls.

I'll update if there is one. Concert is on the 2nd of december

XoXo, Ellis