A Bit About My Journey w Kinbaku + Local Community

I wanted to take a few minutes to write/rant about my (rather short) journey with Kinbaku so far, and the social world around Kinbaku in my local community. This is by no means a criticism of any kind, just my personal experience as i learn n grow in a new (to me) world 

I started tying a few years ago with no knowledge or experience, often watching random youtube tutorials or finding picture guides. I never felt like I was learning things the right way, and so I got overwhelmed and gave up for a while. In November of 2024, I joined a local Kinbaku studio with my (then) regular tying partner, while also free-trial-ing Shibari Study on a regular basis. Very quickly, I recognized some people I had been mutuals with online for some time. I shyly came to the studio for my first few sessions, with the hope that they'd interact w me in some way, but a shy girl like me had her walls up high and i was never rly approached. I messaged one of the people I kind of looked up to, and they replied soo sweetly that I should come say hi, that they were just shy too, and that they'd love to introduce me to their friends next time.

Probably 10 times I went back, waving at them, smiling when we'd walk past one another, doing my best to initiate that interaction, but every time, their eyes would find the floor. I asked my friends about them, and they all had nothing but sweet and positive things to say. So naturally, I felt like it was personal. After a while of this, I was pretty confused and honestly felt so isolated from everyone there, even though I only had this weird rift with one person. My social anxiety def won, and I took about 6 months off of rope. No self-tying, no tutorials, only very occasionally tying with my partner.

In September of 2025, I came back to the studio with a pure heart, and renewed energy. I remembered that I had met two folks with really lovely energy. I knew that if no one else would be nice to me, that they certainly would be. During the time I was away, my tying partner and I decided to take some space away from rope, and so my coming back to the studio was very different than I had ever experienced. I was so used to coming with my partner, talking only to my partner, not really being social, and leaving together. But since I started coming alone, I have made friends, I have met new tying partners, I have learned how to explore a side of myself that I'd never explored before. Being the dominant in my dynamic with my tying partner, I'd never had the space to explore submission, especially in rope.

Coming back on my own, I have been more freely available to explore submission, to explore my my switchiness, to experience the things I find so beautiful about rope and about power exchange. When I was only ever giving, I left sessions feeling great, but ultimately experienced huge feelings of emptiness and lack. I was fulfilled to be having fun tying sessions with my lovely partner, but felt more n more like I was giving from an empty cup. In the past few weeks, I have gotten by ass BEAT by some rly lovely friends, and have spent some more time bottoming in rope. I feel as if my cup is slowly filling back up, and like it's not so cracked anymore, so I can hold the fulfillment in my cup more than I had been able to before. 

I do find myself, though, craving more intense sessions with someone very knowledgeable. There is someone I have in mind, but they are extremely busy, and we've struggled to find time to tie together. I am thankful to be back in the rope studio, surrounded by people who uplift + include me, instead of people who isolate me from their group. I am thankful to be back. I will write more soon. I hope to bottom in suspension soon, and to bottom for this rigger soon. Maybe they will happen at the same time. 

Til then, I will keep showing up as my truest self, and enjoying the ride. Thanks for reading ♡