What is WRONG WITH MEEE

I'm so sick of constantly being worried about something. worried if my boyfriend is upset, or if my parents are upset, if his parents are upset, if i said something wrong on the internet or if someone doesnt like me. Im constantly stressing cause i feel like everything around me is so... negative? i live with my boyfriend and his parents, which they argue constantly. whenever im around negativity, it affects me even if im not involved, and its just making me feel like such a bum. like im always upset and a mood killer, i hate it. im constantly crying or upset about something, or even nothing at all. my head is CONSTANTLY trying to bring me down no matter how happy i am and i dont know how to stop it. i usually just smoke weed, but the person that provides it, i moved away from and i cant get it anymore, just making it 10 times worse now that i cant silence my brain. i am scared to go to the doctor or therapist and get medicine because of my past. and also, i kinda.. dont.. wanna know whats wrong with me? if that makes sense? i dont wanna be viewed as some like sad puppy and i dont wanna feel like a lab rat. hell, i dont even know how to EXPLAIN what is wrong with me without just being like "im sad." which truely doesnt even explain it at all, it just seems normal when it is NOT. it feels like my days are not getting better and WILL NOT, its just been bad news after stressful situation for almost a year now. i didnt even wanna move away in the first place?! idk, i guess im just not happy. i dont know how to make myself happy. does anyone feel like this? am i just a brat or an attention seeker? i truely dont know. i just need to get this off my chest. i feel like im a zombie trying to disguise as a human. i wanna be normal. and im tired of hearing "just dont be sad" "just think happy thoughts" because if i could, I WOULD?!