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not all men
I think everyone who finds themselves as frequently on the internet as I do, has heard this phrase before. The not all men argument, while correct, is both unhelpful and a clear derailing tactic. You will hear it pop up the second someone mentions their bad experiences with men, maybe just one man. If anyone brings up a trend of harmful behaviours by men, you will be met with the same copout counter argument, not all men.
As women we are awfully aware of the amount of predators, rapists, murderers and batterers that live among us. We are also aware that not every single man walking this earth is one of them. When the discussion clearly revolves around men who are in fact the problem, other men will group themselves in with him in retalliation. Why do they do this you may ask, i honestly couldnt tell ya.
They seem to think that just because they dont beat their wife it makes them a good person. They dont realize its not as black and white to us. Sexism is a gradient. Of course there are the good guys. But it gets gradually worse and worse. Youre not either good or bad. Heres an example of a gradient!
- Serial rapists, murderes
- One time offenders
- Physical abusers
- Agressive with women but not psysical
- Encourage offenders
- Friends with offenders
- Ignore offenders
- Ignorant to offenders
- Avoid offenders
- Discourage offenders
- Stop or report offenders
You see the point im making?
When women speak up about painful and trauma inflicting incidents that have happened to them, all they need is to be heard and listened to. When a man then comes in to redirect the conversation about how none of that was HIS fault, it has sexist undertones. It does not matter if he does not engage in these behaviors. What does matter is that he feels inclined to shut women down to sheild his own ego from being bruised. Distancing yourself from acknowledging any role in a system where women are the victims at the hands of men again and again and again. Denying the hard cold truth about how frequent such things occur, just because YOU dont partake in such behaviors, is sexist.
Sexism is not disproven just because YOU are a normal person. Not good, not great, normal. Not beating, harassing or sexualising women is not an accomplishment. Centering yourself in womens experiences, in an attempt to save mens reputation is pathetic and it means you are not listening, just deflecting. You are demanding reassurance, demanding that ”good men” should be recognized and demanding apologetic behaviour from women. Shame on you!
Comments
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Akuma
Hearing people say “Not all men” or praise a man simply for meeting basic standards, like not abusing their partner or children, kills me inside. Treating others with respect and decency isn’t praiseworthy; it’s the bare minimum expected of every human being. Sorry, I really just had to get that off my chest.
playgirlconvicted
i always see this, ofc its not all men but majority of the time its ALWAYS a man. If they're not saying "not all men" they'll mention how this stuff happens to men as well, or "yeah but if a man got online and started doing all this it would be different". Its so insensitive it acc goes thru me.
i feel like a lot of men who view women as less than, usually speak to women like we are dumb or in need of assistance when it comes to voicing our opinions. We dont need their input on how we should word ourselves. its like they dumb it down for us by stating the obvious. WE ALL KNOW ITS NOT ALL MEN and we are not children who need verbal corrections
by 「 ✦ Lyna ✦ 」; ; Report
maciel
for my fellow dudes - if a girl talks about men, and you immediately get worried, then think about it. why should you be worried? you didn't do anything and you know VERY WELL she ain't talking about you.
being nice and cool and not doing anything wrong doesn't make you a "good person", you're just being a normal, funcional guy in society. don't feel proud because you're doing the bare minimum.
exactly this!! why group yourself in with offenders, instead of supporting women? they'll do anything but admit we have it hard
by 「 ✦ Lyna ✦ 」; ; Report
HolidayGirl1225
Exactly… I hate it when people use this phrase to derail the statement or advocate for men’s sake. I’ve had my experiences with men and omg the amount of times I’ve heard this. And guess what.. ITS USUALLY FROM MEN :’) ik not all men are monsters but trying to switch the conversation from men to women is saying a lot about yourself :P
<3
by 「 ✦ Lyna ✦ 」; ; Report
Zigzag Buster 🇺🇦
Would it be a good idea to give women a real-world equivalent to the Batman? It seems to me that the only way to make men get the message would be to take a measure like that. I am tired of living in a world where I have to receive second-hand embarrassment as a man because other men are either being predatory towards women or are enabling that kind of behavior themselves.
Totally! What happened to that other comment that was here cause it was a total mess to read..
by 「 ✦ Lyna ✦ 」; ; Report
I think Antipatic deleted his comment thread because he couldn’t defend his talking points. He also has blocked me.
by Zigzag Buster 🇺🇦; ; Report
dude what was his point
by 「 ✦ Lyna ✦ 」; ; Report
This was his point. I archived the original message in case of loss. https://web.archive.org/web/20251118013202/https://blog.spacehey.com/entry?id=1978298
by Zigzag Buster 🇺🇦; ; Report
viewed his profile and he said he finds satisfaction in looking at smug anime girls..and that hes getting pleasure from it
by 「 ✦ Lyna ✦ 」; ; Report
Yikes! That sounds weird.
by Zigzag Buster 🇺🇦; ; Report