(1) Ribbit Rant IV

I have lived with my dad for almost a few months now, and I’m starting to realize something: I’m kinda dumb. Not like academically. I have good grades, and I know a lot of things, but when I’m told to do something my mind goes blank. It overcomplicates the task at hand and I either freeze or completely miss the mark. I don’t mean to, and I know I’m smarter than this. But am I? Have I really overestimated my ability to comprehend simple tasks and responsibilities? I have a creative mind, and I am a critical thinker; I make worlds with hundreds of characters and meticulous stories and plotlines—has that taken up the space in my head? When someone asks me a simple question, I freak. I search my mind for the “perfect” answer, and I doubt myself, or sometimes I don’t doubt myself and I get it “wrong” or “overdo it”. It doesn’t help when I get pressured either, and that is especially true in arguments. I don’t know what to say and I find it difficult to explain my side or belief, so I sit there in silence as I try to listen to the other. Sometimes I get too angry, and attack that person verbally with something stupid and childish like “guys are stupid” (I don’t really believe that applies to every fella, but I have used this as an actual defense in an argument :sob:). My father reiterates that I’m not dumb when I do something that isn’t so smart (he likes to say “if it was a snake, you’d be dead”) He knows I’m smart, but I think he also realized that I’m not the sharpest tool in the shed. I think I’m starting to realize that too. It’s not like I know everything and think of myself as higher than another; it’s just what I thought about my intelligence.