z.d

i still think about you sometimes, i wonder where you are or what you’re doing. everyday i wish i still had the privilege to say that i love you, to ask how your day was or how work was. to know what you’ve accomplished, what your motives are. 

you’re not going to see this. and even if you do not only will i not know but it it probably won’t change anything, and it’ll make me look stupid. 

i constantly wonder if i ever cross your mind, if you still think about me. if you make fun of me with your friends, if you found someone new and you tell them about how terrible i was. 

if you see this maybe you’ll show them this, and to be honest i expect you to. 

i haven’t let go completely, i don’t think i will because everyday i think of everything we did. i think about how good you were do me but how terrible i was to you, right person right time? or maybe you just never cared. i feel so stupid

if we were to try again i’d do it all correct this time, id look out for you, id take care of you. id spend more time with you and listen to you and love you for you, i would try harder. 

and if that never happens i just hope and wish that you accomplish all your dreams. i hate that im not going to be there to watch you thrive but as long as i know you do i’ll always be proud of my pretty girl. 

i never knew you completely and i never understood you fully. i never knew what was going on in your head and i never knew how badly i was fucking everything up. 

i’ll always cling on to that small l hope that you’ll let me love you again. and if it does i promise i’ll be ready.

and if not then you’ll always have a special place in my heart, even if it doesn’t matter to you anymore. i’m always going to value you and honor you. and also regret everything. i’ll never forgive myself. but i hope you can.