just felt the need to talk abt how I feel

recently I've been feeling bad again, and when I say bad I mean reallyyyy bad

Every time I see myself getting better, it goes to shit faster than I decidede to actually do it,

I wouldnt be surprised if I ended up attempting again atp

even tho i promised i wouldnt

I swear the only thing that has been keeping me from doing it is my bf but Ive started to give up

Im back in addiction and self-destructive coping mechanisms and Ive been thinking about going back to therapy but the problem is, I dont want help

I dont want to stay alive but others want me to

I just dont feel like I can keep going

Im having problems with my emotions and feelings again

not being able to tell them apart and not being able to know how I feel about certain things is a pain

and being trans makes all my problems and mental health even fucking worse

Idk if I should wait till I see my bf again and try smth after that but theres still over 200 days left till the summer and Idk if I can wait that long

I think like some people have started to notice my behaviour