2025/10/21

RANT ENTRY
Tagged as...  bitching and wwhining, no need for a trigger wwarning.

wwhen is it my turn to ghavve my "person." evveryone i knoww has their owwn person, their bestfriend and the one theyre closest wwith and they hang out all the time and its so swweet and nice. friend group A all hang out together during lunch and after school -- but it doesnt matter if im there or not because at the end of the day my presence doesnt evven make a difference. im not the one theyre messaging to ask to hang out afterschool, im just the one thats there sometimes. i get to hang out wwith them wwhen its convvienent, and thats about it. friend group b is more or less the same wway. evvery once in a wwhile wwe'll hang out afterschool but  wwe havven't in months. and either wway they all havve their duo. D has A, P has G. and dont get me wwrong, for twwo of them they're dating so i get it. Same wwith my other friend -- she has her girlfriend so i get that too. my childhood friend doesnt talk to me anymore. maybe thats wwhy im just noww realizing this. i used to call her my person, wwe'd talk daily and almost evvery wweekend i'd be wwith her. wwe wwere more than school friends. i told her evverything, good or bad. and in turn sje told me things.

ten years of my life -- or more -- gone to a fucking wwaste. evveyrhting i did wwith her for nothing, evverything ivve evver told her and said to her and did wwith her dowwn the drain. and dont get me wwrong; i understand wwhy she doesnt anymore. she said she felt too codependent on me. and thats wwhat i hate most. i cant evven try and hate her to movve on because it's a vvalid reason. she wwas just doing wwhat wwas best for her. but wwhat i can try amd hate her for is givving me false hope. wwhen i realized she wwas being distant wwe had a long talk. she told me wwhat she had to, and at the end i asked if wwe could still be friends and talk. she said yes. i didn't expect things to be the same, but it's like wwe'vve just met. wwe hardly talk unless i start the convversation, and wwhen she does respond it's usually only a feww wwords. if she ddnt wwanna actually go back to being friends wwhy did she tell me she did.i think back on howw wwe met, i think back on all the things she said to me. wwe met in elementry school and talked through emails. then wwe ended up bothering our dads enough to wwhere wwe got their phone numbers to talk through call. i wwas so excited and happy. i remember wwatching showws wwith her in her basement and she helped me set up my first snapchat account. i wwas told she didn't care abt much for that birthday so long as i got to go. and noww wwe just dont talk.

i wwant my bestfirend back. imiss talking to her about evverything and anything and i miss hanging out at her house and i miss hanging out at school and drawwing together i miss evverything. this year has been so fucking shit for me. not to mention croomf got a fucking gf -- wwhich wwhile not unexpected still made me feel like shit. the girls so pretty too, i wwish i could look like her.

TLDR; i think i should just hang mehtinks