A little to balance

Like a way to torture just mentally, but it takes time and pain so I'm gonna write here instead! What if all the things I worry about were just nothing! What if I'm actually normal and just haven't seen somebody like me before, and when I do notice something is wrong, everybody else also knows it! Or things are really bad and will never get better unless I forgot about the feeling for whole! But then that wouldn't be exciting, but who the hell is looking for excitement in life! When people say that, they probably meant go hiking with friends or gamble till they've lost everything! Can't it just be normal! Wishing a tragedy on oneself is quite the selfish act! I would've gone crazy! I just don't know, of course I could ask, but who genuinely does that, because I don't believe answers from someone I'm close too! You're not for real! You definitely must've been saying nice things to me so I don't feel bad!