How can I feel so connected to a song??? TW (Self-Destructive girl)

I relate too much to this song, the expressionless walk (it's my usual state IRL, , when I'm out of character (masking but with extra steps) so yes, I have to train my facial expressions) and the energy and violence that comes right after letting go is fantastic. I especially relate to the scene where she looks at his reflection and destroys it. Also, the scene where she keeps dancing even though everything is burning.

I love the logic "Don't cry when you get burned. When you're the one who's to blame" Is my logic for a lot of my comportment inside and out of character. "So run as fast as you can . Or you'll get caught in the flames" and "Never fall in love with me, it's all a lie" remembers me my usual warning "I'm not a good person".

I love the physical characteristic of the character, Especially the skirt with bottoms (I wanna to use wear one of those is so cool!!), the wristwatch (probably is another thing but who cares) [I particularly like those watches because of the symbolic aspect of wearing them; they represent economic status (which is part of my character, one of the most neglected facets lately, but to maintain consistency I must not forget it) and they can help me stay in character, like someone busy (technically true, but appearing so is more important than being if I have to deal with others). Also, the shape adds a masculine touch (the watch is square, it's a bit of a stretch, but that's what comes to mind when I see it).] ant her hair cut!!! (I would love to have a cut like that, I love double pigtails, but on the one hand they don't go according to my character (it would be a very noticeable inconsistency) and also my school doesn't allow it).

The only part in which I do not identify is in the part about loving and losing; I have never loved and lost. I am the way I am, probably because since I was young I realized that people lie and use others all the time, that the rest exploit every possible vulnerability, and the factor that leads me to be almost perpetually in character is the fact that for as long as I can remember I am not human enough. My facial expressions have always been a problem, my way of walking is a problem, my "too extensive" vocabulary has always been a problem, my "inappropriate for my age" interests have always been a problem, I was always a problem. I am always too robotic, too routine, too rigid, too intellectual, too emotional, too cold. At home, it’s often joked that I never had a heart (the doctors couldn’t hear my heartbeat until very late in the pregnancy, and today I am very insensitive, but how can one not be insensitive when living with the rest of humanity? If literally three days ago a homeless man who harmed no one was raped, dismembered, gutted, and thrown into a ditch less than six blocks from my home. If all the time the authorities excuse themselves in their authority to justify that they are right. (I sort of drifted away from the misanthropy blog I have pending)) Those jokes don’t hurt me because that idea appeals to me, the idea of one day not having a heart at all, it’s an ideal to a certain extent.