growth mindset

a client came to me recently and said something to the effect of, "some people are just evil."

this client believes in their heart that some people are beyond redemption. it's hard to argue with that, especially with all that's wrong in the world. but, is it true?

who decides whom is worthy of, or beyond the point of, redemption? last time i checked, none of us is a god. i wrote about this a few weeks ago. (cancel culture and political violence)

the idea that any of us is an arbiter of justice is plainly against my anarchist beliefs. i can disagree with a lot of people, but i don't get to decide if they live or die, or if they deserve forgiveness or redemption. i think, being human, we all deserve redemption.

i was a problematic person in my past. i believe i have changed. other people seem to think so. i don't exhibit a fraction of the awful conduct i displayed when i was in active addiction into early recovery. my perspective and my behavior has shifted greatly over the last 15 years. (from suppression to expression; cringe, art, and freedom)

i believe i am worthy of redemption. well, most of the time. but that's a trauma thing i'm working on.

i think many people have done something that, to their own sense of values, is unforgivable. i know i have. but a part of me still believes i deserve to forgive myself and move on. i've hurt some people in ways i can't simply apologize to them about, and i still need to make amends. this is 8th and 9th Step work in my programs. i'm doing what i can with the hand i was dealt, or the hand i drew for myself. as any good TCG player knows, sometimes we even get to pick what's in our hand and have still made bad plays. does this make us bad players? does losing a game or a match mean we're incapable of becoming better? i'd be hard-pressed to believe that.

let's continue with this card metaphor.

sometimes our best intended play gets canceled or countered. maybe this counter leads to an even better opportunity. the better opportunity is a learning experience. because i chose A action, and someone else responded with B, i have learned C outcome.

of course, things aren't always as straightforward as a turn-based trading card game.

because i'm in recovery, i tend to see other people as redeemable, most of the time. to think otherwise can feel judgmental, but i definitely have some hard lines that i won't back down from. but who knows? i might change my mind tomorrow, or in the next ten minutes. life comes at us fast.

in two weeks i went from damning Charlie Kirk and mocking his death to realizing the outcome has far-reaching consequences at the individual all the way to the global level, and learning that it wasn't so funny after all. does Charlie Kirk deserve redemption? if he was a drug user, and became sober, doesn't he deserve the chance to make a better life for himself? who would i be if i said anything other than, "yes"?

but Eminem got sober, and he still says and believes some awful things. do i think he's irredeemable? no. but i also don't have to surround myself with him, or Charlie Kirk, or people who listen to them. i seek to accept everyone as they are.

we all have an opportunity to grow from who we were yesterday, ten minutes ago, or ten years ago. i think i did. i think you can. i think most people are capable.

what's stopping you?