I hope I’m ok

Will I been up all night thinking about what do people love i swear my childhood is missed up I can’t identify feelings i get to therapy so many times that I can remember everything he said and he said you should talk to more people I try to talk to people and it’s always turns out to be awkward all of my 19 year is for me to stay alone what am I? A freak? Is my autism and anxiety pushing people away from me? Do I ment to be lonely or loved? IDK am I a red flag? Every one i knew is no longer talk to me at all

-Moe