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Sometimes I realize that too much of my focus goes not into myself, but into other people. A lot of my thought and energy is spent not on how I can grow and become a better person internally, but how I can acquire people and things that will make me feel like I am better and worthy. This now comes at a time when I have graduated highschool and am taking a year before university to backpack Europe, a time that should be dedicated to myself and understanding what I want before transitioning into young adulthood.
A month ago yesterday my boyfriend left me. His leaving was so impactful to me because I lost the feeling of security, wantedness and value that comes with being in a relationship. I find myself now being temped to fill his void with another person, when instead I should be filling his absence with self love. I should be relocating the energy that I put into him and other people into myself so I may become self sufficient.
I put so much of my time and effort into other people, making friends and connections and trying to establish relationships so that they may validate me. Even though I like myself and am very fortunate to have a life rich with experiences, I need another person to tell me I am loveable. If only I put the same effort into liking myself as I did making others like me, I would be so much better off than I am today.
How does one start loving themselves, not because they are filled with self hatred, but because they simply cannot love themself?
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markpdyson
This sounds like me.
Hi. I'm Mark. I'm 20 years old and estranged. My parents? Narcissists. My self-worth? Non-existent. That's a problem. Dying is bad for some reason, and if you don't wanna die, then the only alternative is valuing life. But the only person in your life that can live through your life is you. So how do you "love" that?
For me personally, I find it impossible to "love myself." I can't be happy in isolation, and I need to have a sense of community to feel any sense of stability.
Really, the best advice I can give you is to don't give up. Focus on making lots of rich friendships. We live in a time where social interaction isn't as easily accessible, and it's easy to confuse what makes a "best friend" over a "romantic partner."
I used to say that I'm searching for "the one." Now, I just say that I'm open to whoever I feel might be a compatible partner, but I'm perfectly fine with maintaining lots of platonic relationships. It's more fun, too, because it means I can bully them and feel less bad about it (for legal reasons this is a joke).
The fact that you're asking yourself these questions is a step in the right direction, and the fact that you want to love yourself tells me that you love yourself. Because that's what love is. A choice. A choice to care. I know I care about myself, and I choose to care about others as well.
If you ever wanna talk more about this sort of thing, feel free to shoot me a message. I'm no therapist tho, so don't expect too much. Just some random dude who's been through some serious shit.
Thank you for putting so much time into this comment, it does mean a lot to me.
I am a very social person and I have a lot of friends that I can depend upon. I am very grateful for them all as now is a very important time to have them. I don't yet know why I am like this, but I'm in therapy and I'm working on it! So lets just hope what ever it is, I can figure it out and change.
by Willa Winter; ; Report
antipatic
Why can't you love yourself or think you're not worthy? Maybe you hold yourself to an impossible standard