Entry #3

7/9/25

There is lightning flashing through my window, lighting up my room for a split second. It is exactly 3am. I don't think the rain has hit yet, I can't really hear well while I listen to music. The flashes are getting more constant and the thunder is getting louder. I love storms, even though I didn't used to. I went to the fair on friday with my friends. I went on the scariest ride there, and also the haunted house. My friend and I laughed every time we screamed. I think I'm going to organises a party of some sort for my friends birthday. I hate seeing her struggle so much, I just want to do something to make her happy, even just for a little bit. I love her so much, and if she ever finds this, good. I want you to know how much I love you Sash, seriously man I mean it. The storm has reached it's peak now. The lightning is bright and lasts way longer than before. For all of today I could feel myself slipping back into my worst self. the version of me I hate the most and the version of me I see so often. It was like every single thought was on max volume bouncing around inside my head. I spent a lot of today doom scrolling because that was the only thing i could find to silence my brain just a little bit. I find myself thinking back to january often, and last january, and the january before that. It has been every year since I was 11 years old. January of crying hysterically on my floor, January of screaming silently not to wake my parents, january of rotting alone in my room for weeks, and january of wondering how much I really want to live at all. This year was the worst it has ever been. especially that one night. I was so lonely. I still feel so lonely. I think the storm has passed over now. 

~Alice