abusing self importance in friendships

Honestly I've noticed this issue for quite a while and need to get it off my chest(+just got flaked on again because the person claims to be too tired, after what is most likely an all nighter playing video games or watching TikToks). 

I have multiple friends who won't put in an ounce of effort to keep friendships going by properly planning ahead, if that's whats needed, a day/few days before we hang out.

I have uni, entire course literature books to read before deadlines, seminars to attend, lectures to attend, papers to write, appointments to go to, chores to do, volunteer work to attend for my CV, and on top of that a deep need for personal alone-time as someone with autism + BPD. Trust me, I get very tired too.

Which means that every time a hangout is scheduled I plan my life around it to make sure that hangout will be able to happen and that I will be a good version of myself out of respect for my friends. I take ibuprofen if I have period cramps, I drink blutsaft for energy the next day, I shower the night before to make myself feel relaxed and cozy, I have a little home-spa evening if I still don't feel relaxed, I light candles, I set an alarm much earlier than needed for more wake-up time in the morning, I do my DBT exercises, etc. 

I try to make sure i get the right amount of sleep, whether I do get it or not I make sure to drink coffee to wake myself up that morning, I prep my face for makeup, I listen to songs I like to make my morning more enjoyable. You get the point. Anything I have to do to get myself in the most optimal mood for this person, I'll do out of respect for their time and our friendship.

Yet somehow my friends, who are unemployed and not in school, find a way to be too tired, or not in the mood, to hang out a day before or the day of the hangout. Which I then can't get upset at them for because of the classic woe-is-me "I'm mentally ill and need my time alone and I can't help it" thing, where you (apparently) need to take zero accountability for your own actions. 

I'm very mentally ill as well. A lot of people are. Which is why it is even more important that you mentally and physically prepare before you know you're going to spend time with someone you value + want to keep a relationship with. 

I, as someone who can also end up flaking when my own mental health catches up to me, take active steps to ensure I won't wake up the next day and flake. Because being mentally ill is not an excuse for being a shit friend, and people will not keep you around out of pity. The same way I can't lash out at people and expect them to just take it because "I have BPD". 

Might I add as context that these friends aren't expected to go outside and do things that might exhaust them more than they can handle. These are friends who I mainly just go home to and sit and do nothing with. We yap and basically parallel play. They don't even have to change out of their sleep clothes. They don't have to look presentable, as we are very close. Frankly, they have to exist, while I have to do all the work of getting ready and traveling by bus and train, picking up snacks for them at the store and iced coffees so we have stuff to snack on while we do nothing. An attempt to accommodate for them and make then as comfortable as possible. 

Idk maybe it's just an emotional rant, but I've seen this as a common theme online as well, the classic "I need to put myself first" thing getting abused and turning you inte a selfish friend. I also would like to add(if it wasn't obvious) that this isn't just an occasional flake. We're talking rescheduling the same hangout 2-3 times. Infuriating when you yourself have taken extreme measures to make sure you don't flake, and the other person just can't stop themselves from sleeping to 2pm, drinking coffee at 4pm, staying up all night, and then being "too tired" when the next day actually comes.