My dad makes me uncomfortable.

I know it’s been awhile since I’ve been on here, but whatever, I need to get this off my chest. I don’t like my dad, and for many reasons. We hardly talk, the only time when we really do is when he gets me to do chores (which I don’t mind doing) or showing me something in his games, even when it seems like we have a full conversation he cuts me off or interrupts me to talk to someone else or ramble about something off topic, that’s one reason why I feel I can’t get close to him. Another thing is that he’s transphobic, idk about homophobic, but he actively shows his disgust over trans people, even questioning me randomly one day about how I felt about trans people. I’ve been closeted for a few years now (lesbian, lethromantic, and a Demi-girl) and idk if he feels the same about gay people and I’m scared to tell him, plus the fact that most of my friends are LGBTQ+. 

He’s also extremely religious. No hate to any religious people, unless if your like my dad. Somehow making almost everything about religion, forcing it on others, and going on random rants about it. I’m an atheist in a heavily Christian family, but I feel it’s clear that I am without saying anything because I never wore or got anything had a cross on it or showed interest on religion. Yet on my 17th birthday he asked where the Bible was, read it a little bit, then dropped we’re going to church, on my birthday. I’ve fake prayed in fear that they would notice and lied about church because I’m scared about how he would react, why?

Well, a few years back before I started homeschooling, I was at my moms and my mom asked me ‘did I talk about anything weird with my friend’ or something like that, I said no and it was just the usual stuff. Apparently the school called and said I was talking about “adult content” and never said what it was, my dad got pissed saying he would take away everything including my device and my door, which my mom and step-mom told him no he shouldn’t, as how else am I going to talk with my friends, them when am at a different house, and do my work, plus they couldn’t take the door down because I share a room with my step little sister, and her biological dad isn’t the best person ether so who knows what would happen. They had to remind my dad that because of what I grew up with (watching my dad and him making me play mortal combat, him showing me the Cupcakes video when I was big into MLP, ect) that I had dark interest and tabo OC’s along with my friend so that was what we were most likely talking about. Luckily he didn’t do anything though. I also just find it weird on how many sexual anime girl figures and stickers he has around the house and on objects, not bothering to hide most of them when guests are over or when my little brother is running around, i also find it weird since he’s married.

Back to the religious point, I’ve noticed it taking more of a tool on his life. Yes he was always Christian along with everyone on his side of the family, which is no problem ofc. But before we started going to church, it wasn’t that bad. Now, he’s building crosses in video games, we suddenly have a cross above are tv, he displays scriptures on the living room tv, was sad he’d miss a single day of church because of vacation, and even wanted to spend his Father’s Day at church and a whole bunch of other things. I know this may be normal for some, but It’s odd for me as my dad wasn’t this crazy on religion, but it grew gradually at a somewhat fast pace, he even invites a friend of his to join us to church and I don’t even know if he is Christian.

I know some of these might not seem like a big deal to you, but it is for me because, well, it’s my father. I feel bad feeling like this towards him as it’s clear he cares for me, but I can’t help it.