extremities

maybe i will die from stress. when i am dealt with upsetting events, i feel such extreme mental anguish and it feels like my brain is about to experience fragmenting explosions around my skull—just about to.

i showered right after the most recent experience, washed my hair, and now i feel better. reflecting back on it, my head feels heavy again, but it's probably good i can't recreate the exact feeling.

it just feels like the Bad thing i have to address is the Baddest thing ever and the amorphous, possible repercussions i'd have to deal with are world-ending, life-threatening, and unbelievably painful in many accounts. although, in retrospect, it is quite a very manageable problem, and it may not even be considered a problem for the sake of my mental stability. in fact, it probably is just a Neutral Event for most people. 

I heave a heavy sigh. Mental illness, the invisible killer... I suppose the only (obvious) physical manifestations of this reside in my large number of gray hairs and the large number of times my family and friends point it out. "What are you stressed about? /gen" I don't know. The things I feel a responsibility for feel like my Highest Divine Mission(s), but my Mortal and Vulnerable Brain is not built for Divine Missions. I'm just a person, not an angel.

10 August 2025 (11:59 PM)