it's hard to love my grandma

i really love my grandma she practically raised me most of my life with my aunt; my dad (her brother) has always been absent so they both took care of me and my siblings. 

but sometimes she's hard to love, it's been hard for me. 

i struggle so much with anxiety and she had to go with me for a vote registration. obviously there were other people my age there since it's about that time of year (elections) but my grandmother isn't very shy or kept to herself. 

she was like talking to other girls my age and asking me about shit and it led to a point where i started going nonverbal. I WAS TJE ONLY ONE WHO HAD MY GRANDMA NAGGING ME which i didn't mind at first but she was starting to really drag me. 

the moment i went nonverbal she started screaming at me, asking me why i was giving her an attitude and i was fucking stuttering to calm her down. i snapped mentally and walked ahead of her, she kept screaming at me and followed me. 

in the end the line was cut off so i'm due tomorrow. so like i went to work after since i had an afternoon shift but i was fucking tearing up. during work i forgot about it and wanted to pay my dad a visit after work since he got new cats they were SO cute. 

he took so long that the incident dawned back on me, and when he finally pulled up i started sobbing and hyperventilating. 

i js got home but the time with my dad was fun, he really made up for a lot and i'm glad he understands my mental well being. he took me home earlier and told me to not listen to my grandma's hurtful words and just do what she tells me (for what's best ofc) and ye i think i wanna cry again but wtv fuck.