december 9th

i have a crush on a boy. fuck. fuckkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk i was supposed to go on a 'guy-et' (like a diet but for men) and i was gonna try to date a woman cause they are so much better and tbh boobies are awesome. women are kind and beautiful and have love in their hands.

but this boy. he makes the most beautiful music and hes understanding and he intentionally listens instead of listening out of necessity. he doesnt like his job but its a movie theater and he loves watching the movies. once my friend and i got him a really old black n white cowboy movie and he said he loved it and it made me really happy. he works so hard on what he loves and yeah he has a problem with authority but i do too cause neither of us understand why we have to respect the authority of people who havent earned it. he cares so much about his sisters and he doesnt understand his mother. theres love in his slippers and his bedside table and his trinkets that sit on his dresser. theres love in his green glasses and his car covered in stickers and his shittily painted fingernails.

i have a crush on a boy. and its thursday.

i think for now im going to just. hope that he realizes that the only way i know how to flirt is by vaguely posting on my instagram story about him. ugh

work was good. tiring. theres a guy there who wont leave me alone but he has such a stronge masculine urge to fight people and prove himself it gives me the ick. also hes training to be a cop :/

im super tired lately but the winter solstice is coming soon so it wont be this bad for too much longer.

if you wrap your arms around yourself, one hand around your shoulder and one at your ribcage, it almost feels like a hug