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I think the hate "hookup culture" gets is redundant. i put that in parenthesis bc there's no such thing- there's just people who have sex with who they want when they want.
also, why is it looked down upon for you to not play into the indirect game of "spend years searching for the perfect romantic partner that you are now exclusively attached to for the rest of your life in order to indulge sex". why is it so horrible to not want to fit into that socially constructed mold (there's no proof we are naturally pair bonding as a species). if its done in a safe and healthy way.
people treat it like some gross dirty moral failing when its really not, what is genuinely immoral about pleasuring yourself the way you like without giving me a controlling, conservative, or hypocritical talking point. "its giving men what they want and keeping us oppressed!!" oh and committing to one man and only ever that man and giving him your entire life for the rest of your existence isn't?
there is no perfect answer when it comes to "do i want to do this because i like it or because our patriarchal society told us to like it, and is this actively keeping us oppressed". we will never fully know why we like what we like, we just have to make our best educated guess. and you could say both keep men viewing us as a prize to be won- there's no true winning in either scenario, neither options are strictly empowering or oppressing. the best you can do is pick the right men, witch i promise is possible to do for both options when you know how to pick.
either way everyone should look inward and find out what's best for them. obviously if hooking up feels bad for you or is a way to put a band aid on an issue, then don't do it! but if its simply relieving an urge with a vessel you like- in a satisfying way, then why not. its all about your individual view of sexual encounters . do you see it as a man taking something from you? or you getting what you want.
i also want to clarify I'm talking strictly about people who hate it, not the people who are spreading awareness on the possible issues it may have. keeping people safe from dangerous situations, possible infections, or why we may want to participate and how that reasons unhealthy. I think those are important conversations to be had and we should continue to spread that (in a way that doesn't completely wright off "hookup culture")
all that to say, if people are having fun in a harmless way, you shouldn't care or judge.
(p.s the reason I'm speaking mostly on hetero hookups is because they are usually the people who find issue with it, and those reasoning's are inherently heteronormative).
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kiko!
my 'problem' with hookup culture is the normalization of it and how it is becoming common for teenagers and even children taking part of it. I'm only 16 and yet even in my high school hookup culture is rampant. teens eating pregnant and everyone lusting over someone else's body. I've definitely been a target. people asking for things I'm not comfortable with after just having met me a couple days ago. they just want to get to know me for my body.
>oh and committing to one man and only ever that man and giving him your entire life for the rest of your existence isn't?
it also seems you have a problem with committed relationship?? like that's an insane sentence, to insinuating relationships are oppressive.
I truly believe the lack of devotion, trust, and connection in society is a big issue
1. teens being horny and having sex isn't because of "the rise of hookup culture". teens have always been this perverse.. during puberty (witch all younger and older teens are going through bc it lasts 5 years) you experience momentous surges of hormones that make your body crave sex. this is true for both sexes. the only difference from back then to now, is that people are having open and honest conversations about it so that they can have sex safely. because they're going to do it either way. its a pick your poison situation. would you rather tell teenagers to never have sex or talk about it and that its bad for them; only to end up with a pregnant daughter or an aids ridden son? or would you tell your kids its not horrible for them to do as long as its safe- and have a healthy unrepressed son and daughter.
2. i literally said in the paragraph below the one you sited that neither hooking up or indulging in committed relationships is either empowering or repressing, ergo- i said that committed relationships aren't automatically repressing. and if that's not enough; i am perfectly okay with people getting in life long partnerships, that's so great if you want to do. i think any kinds of connections you indulge in is just fine under the right circumstances whether its being in a polycule, committed relationship, hookups, open relationship- i don't care
by everything bagel; ; Report
oh and trust and connection are still apart of hooking up- even if the moment is fleeting and the person your with isn't one you'll commit to, doesn't mean there's no trust or connection happening- its just happening in a different way than committed relationships do. hooking up isn't a symptom of societies problems, its a symptom of hormones.
by everything bagel; ; Report
the thing is, they don't do it safely. and its not just hormones but kids at my school are sleeping with everyone under the sun. someone I know personally didn't do safe sex with a guy who has already banged multiple girls. my friend knows someone who's gotten pregnant because of it. im not saying we shouldn't do it, but it's still rampant because of the normalization of hookup culture in media. songs, trends, and the way people speak are all influenced by it.
sorry about getting that mixed up. I thought you were dissing committed relationships. lolol! just t reiterate though, we shouldn't treat them as oppressive when its not toxic or abusive. there is middle line! it's not just hook up or not even kissing until you're married. and I know whiter you're coming from, just minding your own business. but once hookup culture becomes so normalized it's difficult to find people who don't want a relationship with you just for sex :((
anyway, have a nice day!\ sorry if it sound like im repeating myself
by kiko!; ; Report
well of course it still happens, but if you look at statistics, the amount of pregnancies that happen between the ages of 15-19 have gone down EXPONENTIALLY. it has gone down 78% since 1991. its even recorded that more teens are abstaining or using birth control (2025 study). trust me it might seem rampant now but sex between teens was happening WAY MORE back in the day, again there's studies to prove that when sex was super taboo- more people were having it compared to now- where its "influenced" and by influence you mean openly talked about- like every facet of life should be. we need to be transparent as a society and hiding it only perpetuates it usage. the statistics are on my side on this one.
also your still acting as if i have something against committed relationships- i clarified i don't lol. i would absolutely love to commit to someone someday if i so choose.
by everything bagel; ; Report
I understand and i agree with you! thank you for the insight. I didn't know about the data. if its credible then I guess my experience doesn't mean all that /gen
no I understand you weren't crapping on committed relationships, I just wanted to repeat my point , sorry if it sounded hostile.
no I don't mean that they want to DATE me for sex, I meant they want to talk to me just to hook up. sorry if that was unclear!
by kiko!; ; Report
its alright you didn't seem hostile lol, and i get first hand experience is the first thing we cling to, in hs it seems like way to much when your in it lol. have a good day glad to educate
by everything bagel; ; Report
thou
as an aroallo i feel so much contempt toward the sentiment of hookups being something taboo. if it's not hurting anybody there shouldn't be any issue with it! let me have my fun dammit!!!