I couldn't bring myself to call, except to call it quits

fourth of july. it doesn't mean anything to us. It's not a celebration, there's no fireworks or parties. i wonder how I'll feel when I actually see you. i wonder what exactly happened on July 4th to them. they must've had fun together. Maybe we will too. Why does it feel like it's the end? It's a goodbye, isn't it? 

i think my fourth of July will be different, but somehow, we're still just a parallelism. 

I've thought about casting a spell over the west to make you think of me the same way i think of you. I can't bring myself to do that because then it wouldn't be you. I can't help but think you'll abandon me and despise me just for having loved you. But I don't care anymore. If you're gonna abandon me, maybe you never actually cared about me. And maybe you never did. 

I guess I just need confirmation. Whether you hate me or not, does not matter to me anymore.