My issue with sympathy

I have always felt indifferent when it came to other people's situations. For some reason, other people's issues evoke little to no emotion in me, no matter how bad the situation is. I never found this an issue until middle school, when my friend called to tell me something awful that had happened to her. I was dumbfounded because this was the first time I had ever been put in a serious situation like this. After that call, all I can remember is crying. I wasn't crying for my friend, I was crying because I was angry at myself. She was sobbing to me and pouring her heart out, yet I couldn't care. She was my best friend, so I should have felt SOMETHING. I felt evil and disgusting after that.

It's not that I judge others for feeling emotional or see their problems as little things, I simply just have no natural reaction to what they tell me. I am still able to understand how their situation may affect them and how they may be in need of comfort. I still want others to feel seen and be comfortable. I lack sympathy, not empathy. Since that phone call, I would put on an act to show others that I do care, whether that would be pretending to be mad or sad. I still have a problem effectively providing comfort to others, but I'm better at giving advice now. 

I was comfortable with this part of myself until recently. Now that I am older, I find myself having more serious conversations with friends. For some reason, it's gotten harder for me to act. Words have been coming to me less and less, leaving me with nothing to provide. One of my friends had just been broken up with and I genuinely find myself at a loss. I know that my reactions don't have real emotion behind them, but this time it's showing. My friend made it evident that she would talk to someone else because they were more passionate about the whole thing. I feel incredibly bad that I can't give her that same passionate feeling. 

I'm scared that she will leave me after seeing right through my efforts. I don't blame her if she does. I mean, who wants a friend who can't care about your problems? Should I even try to be close with people when I can't emotionally connect with them? Now I'm just spiraling into a pit of self-hate. Is this truly just selfish nature that I can't admit to, or was I actually just born like this? I know I sound like I'm trying to be the victim in all this, but I promise I understand how my actions can affect those around me.

Maybe it wouldn't be so bad just keeping to myself?