Internet Diary 37#

It feels like everything is falling apart in my life.

Everything is just crashing down, my brain is becoming more aware of myself.

It makes me feel crazy and I can’t cry about it because for some reason I can’t get the feeling fully out.

I don’t like this at all 

It feels like i should be talking to my ex right now but I can’t because we ended our friendship long ago. 

I’m gonna lose it if my mind reminds me that I have a uterus that my brain thinks is unimportant for me to have.

Take me off of my period, I don’t need it at all!!!

I wanna kill it

That’s all I think about about right now

One thing keeps leadingg to another problem with myself 

It’s gonna kill me

I’m aware that i’m sounding like a crazy person right now but I can’t stop myself

I’m gonna die if this continues 

I wanna get rid of my body so bad 

Either i need to get rid of my body or get rid of my uterus. 

I don’t need this, why cant i just not exist anymore 

What really is love by the way

What’s it even like to have a crush, because i do not know what the fuck that’s meant to feel like 

It feels like everyone in my friend group thinks i’m not actually what I believe I am. 

They don’t fucking call my by my pronouns or by my preferred name at all and instead just call me a thing.

It feels terrible and like they don’t see me as human

I’ve been making slow progress with the people I feel like truly are my friends.

I give up with typing for the night, hopefully tomorrow will be a better day and I won’t have another thing like this.

Right now it would be nice to have a therapist.