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I doubt some or anyone will see this, but whatever.
When I was 9 years old, I had poor knowledge in English. It felt like magic when I could talk to someone completely far away, talking in a different language, who had a similar interest as mine (before you ask, I was in a platform that is for all-ages). As time progressed, I had my first group of mutuals who are together. It was both fun and overwhelming at times, considering my poor skills in communication and the language. Then, I had even more mutuals, supporting me in every way. We would boost each other's work, share opinions, and more. I even had a best friend that they sort of depended on me.
Then things start to screw up.
I had a sense of wanting to change when I was in mid-teens. That's normal, right? Everyone change. I wanted to have new interests. I will keep my name, but my personality will change, which I think it's for the best. I wasn't 100% satisfied with my behavior towards people. Suddenly, some of my mutuals stopped talking to me. Not even giving me a "hi" or anything. Few would even unfollow me without informing. I got kind of worried, but if I still have other mutuals, then it'll be fine.
But it's not. They even are approaching the stop sign. I feel like I'm going to lose more.
I don't understand. It's not like I did something bad. It's still me. My name is right there.
I'm starting to hate the concept of having a mutual. It now feels rubbish, boring, and anxiety inducing to talk to one. What if they actually hate me but they don't want to tell? What if they just ease my questioning about if I considered to be worthless to them?
Most of the days I wake up to 0 notifications. I just talk to a wall.
I had my first mutual almost 13 years ago, and now my mind spirals and brings up doubt and ignorance.
I want this to end, but I don't know how. Should I intentionally break the mutual with the remainings? Should I just vanish from the internet?
Edit: I forgot to mention that it's not a problem for many that some friends go away, because they can meet new people. I can't do that. I still have limitations and terrible skills. Yet, I get lonely too often.
Comments
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Ziad 🍉🐟
At this point, I want to disable the comments because nothing is helpful. Any of you would've been supportive of my words but instead say things that I either already clarified or will make nothing better. Sorry.
Disabling comments doesn't work, but my point stands.
by Ziad 🍉🐟; ; Report
Kaznik
Vi que tú también hablas español, y entiendo totalmente ese miedo de perder a quienes comparten tantas cosas contigo (sobretodo siendo un adolescente con problemas para socializar). Si lo piensas mejor, estos problemas no se limitan al internet, ya que, incluso con quienes hablas en la vida real te llegan a abandonar sin ninguna explicación (yo he hecho lo mismo gracias a que no me adapto bien a la relaciones).
Te recomendaría que, en vez, de preocuparte de que es lo que TU estás haciendo mal, comprendas que el internet es como arena, si dibujas algo en ella, pronto se desvanecerá.
Tienes mucho por delante, y lo mejor es pensar en TÍ. No puedes carcomerte el cerebro pensando en lo que supuestamente está mal contigo.
Es mejor que poco a poco consigas amigos que si se adapten a tus nuevos gustos.
Aunque dures mucho, ¿prefieres estar con quienes ya no comparten nada contigo?
Tienes derecho a cambiar, y a que no te de miedo que es lo que los demás piensen.
Cuídate mucho. Besos <3
En realidad no hablo español. Utilizo la traducción automática.
Sí, tampoco es que me lleve bien con mis amigos de la vida real. Incluso he tenido discusiones sin sentido y drama con ellos hasta el punto de que mi familia tuvo que involucrarse.
He perdido bastante la esperanza. No creo que pueda encajar con nadie. Soy una persona muy específica y sensible. Puede que el tiempo cambie, pero no puedo esperar más.
by Ziad 🍉🐟; ; Report
kr1ss
I saw ur pinned comment i hope you don’t mind me commenting but I also agree with you and i wanna share what you also said. Every time someone asks to be mutuals I can’t help but say yes even though i want to say no. It makes me more anxious to talk to them (I’ve been having social anxiety mostly in my life) and i don’t like it when I also feel bored talking to people because i can barley do my alone time without them texting so I had to ghost them, I feel bad but I think it’s best to do that without overthinking about talking to them :vv
I do struggle with conversations as well. I also wish people start to talk to me first, which I don't mind. I rarely do get offered to be mutuals (like, legitimately), but when I do, I'm okay for that for the most part, but I'm also skeptical about them if they actually care (few met me for a bit recently and then they stopped talking! very comedic!)
by Ziad 🍉🐟; ; Report
Miracle6X3
New to SpaceHey. It's a weird thing being on the internet because we're so connected than ever before yet alone. There's always that fear of messing up and losing a friend you thought you were locked in with. Everyone is always gonna say "others have also changed" yet that's not the issue. It's the thought of if it was your fault. What had them thinking that they didn't want to be with you anymore. You start thinking bad at times you thought would be here to this day. I'm probably not the best person, but it's a bit iffy making friends online even from across the world. People are scary and could do hurtful things unintentionally. I'm sure you have a good heart and probably confused on mutuals leaving. (Trying my best to comfort cause I don't know you well. Hope you find love and happiness)
Finally, a good comment. That's exactly what I thought.
I kind of understand, but what am I gonna do, be jealous all the time? I can know when someone is being a weirdo. I keep having good people with me, but even they don't do well with me and they might be hypocrites.
All I ask is to not be lonely and be considered a valuable person. Why is that hard.
by Ziad 🍉🐟; ; Report
tales
you changed, they changed
jybanyanya
Just threaten them and spam in the chat im gonna kms or someshit eyecatching to talk to them and then ditch them like they did because you aint gonna waste your time anymore on people who wasted your time. Try again one last time again if youre really attached but man let go throw in the trash if its not worth it
What the fuck?? I'm not going to just lie and threaten them to get attention. I fucking despise threats. This is not fucking 2016 where I say shit like that.
Anyway, I DM'd to one of my mutuals explaining that they may ignore me and I offered them to break the mutual if they wanted to, then hours later after their response (which is basically them telling me that they aren't ignoring me), I deactivated my account on the platform where some of my mutuals are active on for now anyway.
Will my mutuals care about that? I don't know and I'm not going to bother.
by Ziad 🍉🐟; ; Report
D.G.
People change, I believe that everyone changes throughout their lives. Its okay if people exit your life. Real friends will always stick with you, no matter what interest you have.
Marry
It does not matter what they think or how they react as long as you are doing what you truelly like and your not doing something wrong
i don't know how old are you now but i'm in my 20s and this is how life goes
people come and go all the time , you will find people that share same new intrests as you
don't be afraid to be alone , being alone is never a problem ... you can focus on yourself and on doing things that you love like practicing new habbit or exploring and learning new things
just keep being you and you will attract right people to your live
also don't get too attached to them as i said before , people come and go all the time this is life
don't be afraid , keep being you <3
I'm 22, as stated on my profile.
As I stated as well, it's not a problem if I lose mutuals, if I can make more. But in reality, I can't.
Being lonely may not be a problem either, if I'm not being so repeatedly and for months.
One of my hobbies is drawing. Some of my mutuals used to boost my art, which made me keep going for a while.
So, yeah, I don't know.
by Ziad 🍉🐟; ; Report
KiWi
my english sucks, sorry about that. Then I'd better comment in my native language
Bro... Cálmate, no es el fin del mundo ya no tener o de plano perder a todos tu "amigos" de internet, porque al final solo se resumen en eso: "Gente que conoces en internet" y dicha gente desaparece de un día a otro y sí, es muy bonito "tener" a alguien con quién compartir gustos y anécdotas pero creo que siempre es bueno tener los pies en la tierra y pensar en la posibilidad de que incluso todo lo que te dijeron sobre ellos mismo fue una mentira.
Por supuesto tu y yo tenemos experiencias MUY diferentes en la vida online y ésto es solo mi cruel punto de vista, pero en resumen: ve a tocar pasto y comienza un hobbie que no incluya a gente que no haz visto en persona.
Besitos ꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖♡
I guess I'll respond to you with machine translation:
Para muchos como tú no es un problema que algunos amigos se vayan, porque pueden conocer gente nueva. Yo no puedo hacer eso. Sigo teniendo limitaciones y unas habilidades terribles. Sin embargo, me siento solo muy a menudo.
Dices que sólo son "personas en internet", pero también son seres humanos. Es tan valioso como tener amigos en la vida real.
Bueno, digo esto cuando yo también he perdido amigos en la vida real.
Además, es la primera vez que alguien me dice que toque hierba. Enhorabuena.
by Ziad 🍉🐟; ; Report