summer's still a month away (2025-05-25)

the spring term has finished, the summer term begins in 2 days. i'm feeling quite stuck in between so many things: college, my friends' graduation, my future, theirs, my family.

i've had very many epiphanies in terms of my identity and my future. i've realized that i am, in fact, a girl. a girl that likes dressing like a boy, a girl that likes to confuse, but a girl nonetheless. now what do i do with that. i still look like a boy to everyone, regardless of if i shave, if i do my makeup, if i dress femme, if i do my hair. do i have hope that i'll be able to get the medicine i need in july? will it still be legal?

i was considering doing a masters in nursing after i graduate; is it worth spending all that money while being here?, even if a masters could really help me out. i also thought about working internationally: if i want a similarly conservative country with massive economic problems i could always go to japan, and if i want to go somewhere that's easier to emigrate to but still just as politically volatile spain's always there. i guess we'll see what i do in 2 years.

i wonder what i should do for my birthday. i wonder what i'll do for everyone else's birthdays; i need a job so i can show everyone how much i care for them. oh indeed.