the ethics of Turing someone into a pigeon (political)

Hello Internet! Welcome to FILM THEORY, the only show that asks the real questions! Like, what if you could turn someone into a pigeon? And more importantly… should you? Today, we’re diving deep into the realms of science, fantasy, and maybe just a little bit of political satire, to answer the age-old question: Could MatPat… turn Donald Trump… into a PIGEON? Yeah, you heard me right. Buckle up, theorist! This is going to be a wild ride. Okay, so, let's establish our ground rules. We're not talking about some weird metaphor here. We're talking full-on, feathered, coo-coo transformation. Think The Metamorphosis meets… well, meets Donald Trump. It's a bizarre mental image, I know, but stick with me! Initial Evidence: The Power of Imagination (and Mad Science) My usual superpower is thinking about random games, movies, or clothing. But, the first piece of evidence, and arguably the most crucial, is the boundless power of… well, let’s call it theoretical mad science. Movies are full of characters, usually villains, that have the ability to change people or things into animals. Let's look at some cinematic examples. Ursula from The Little Mermaid**: Disney villains are generally not held back by any kind of laws of physics. Ursula turned Ariel into a human, and we can assume she can reverse this effect and turn anyone into anything. *Dr. Moreau from The Island of Dr. Moreau**: This whole movie is about turning people into animals. He only has limited success, but the technology to do this seems fairly primitive in this movie, which was released in 1996. *Circe from The Odyssey**: Circe turns Odysseus' men into pigs with her magical potion. These cinematic examples give us some hope! But let's get back to our main question. The first point we need to consider is, could I, MatPat, realistically accomplish this? Now, I know what you’re thinking: "MatPat, you're just a guy who makes YouTube videos and occasionally wears questionable hats!" And you're right! I am. But that doesn't mean I can't dream big! First, I would need a proper motivation. And while I personally have no ill will towards the former President, for the sake of this theory, let's just say... hypothetically... that he is blocking the release of Help Wanted 2 on Steam. That's enough motivation for me. Second, I need the means. Now, I'm no biologist, geneticist, or… pigeon-ologist (is that a thing?). But I do have access to the internet, a slightly above-average understanding of science thanks to my Game Lab days, and a team of brilliant researchers (shoutout to Ronnie, Amy, and Santi!). So, where do we start? Well, we need to understand the fundamental differences between a human (specifically, Donald Trump) and a pigeon. This is where things get… complicated. [AD:] Do you want to support the channel AND look good doing it? Head over to TheoryWear.com to grab our new line of FNAF SB Ruin merch! We have everything from stylish hoodies to comfy t-shirts, perfect for surviving a day at the Pizzaplex... or, you know, just chilling on the couch watching Film Theory. Use code "RuinMyWallet" for 10% off your first order! The Nitty-Gritty: Human vs. Pigeon – A Scientific Showdown Humans and pigeons. At first glance, they seem worlds apart. But beneath the surface, we share a surprising amount of biological similarities. We're both animals. We're both vertebrates. We both need oxygen to survive (unless you’re secretly a plant, in which case, tell me your secrets!). But the differences are, shall we say, significant. Anatomy: Obvious, right? Humans have arms, legs, a distinct lack of feathers, and a general aversion to pooping on statues. Pigeons, on the other hand, have wings, feathers, a beak, and a seemingly uncontrollable urge to relieve themselves on public monuments. Genetics: This is where things get really interesting. Humans have about 20,000-25,000 genes. Pigeons… well, the exact number is still being researched, but it's estimated to be around the same range! The difference lies in the expression of those genes. Which genes are turned on or off determines everything from eye color to beak size. Physiology: Humans have complex brains capable of abstract thought, reasoning, and crafting elaborate theories about turning people into pigeons. Pigeons have… well, a brain optimized for flying, finding food, and avoiding cars. They're not exactly known for their philosophical debates. So, how do we bridge this gap? The (Highly Unlikely) Methods of Transformation Okay, here's where the real theoretical science comes in. We need a method of transformation. And frankly, none of these are particularly realistic, but hey, we're FILM Theory! We deal in the impossible! 1. Genetic Engineering: This is the most scientifically plausible (relatively speaking) option. We'd need to identify the genes responsible for pigeon-specific traits (feathers, wings, beak, etc.) and then somehow insert those genes into Donald Trump's DNA while simultaneously suppressing his human genes. Challenges: This is where it goes beyond my capabilities. Gene editing technology like CRISPR is powerful, but we're talking about rewriting an entire genome. Plus, we'd need a delivery system to get those genes into every single cell in his body. And even if we could do all that, there's no guarantee it would work as intended. We could end up with a human-pigeon hybrid… which, let's be honest, is a horrifying thought. 2. Nanotechnology: Imagine microscopic robots that can rearrange matter at the atomic level. These nanobots could, in theory, disassemble Donald Trump's body and reassemble it into a pigeon. Challenges: Nanotechnology is still in its early stages. We're nowhere near creating nanobots capable of this level of manipulation. And even if we could, controlling them would be a nightmare. Imagine a swarm of nanobots gone rogue, turning everything in sight into pigeons! The world would be knee-deep in bird poop! 3. Magic: Okay, hear me out! We've explored science. What about… magic? Maybe, just maybe, there's a hidden dimension where reality can be bent and shaped by sheer force of will. Maybe, with enough practice and a few well-placed incantations, I could unlock my latent magical abilities and transform Donald Trump into a feathered fiend. Challenges: This relies on the existence of magic, which, to my knowledge, has not been scientifically proven. Though, if The Owl House and Harry Potter are to be believed... Mathematical Modeling: The Pigeonification Equation Okay, folks, you know I love me some math. Let's try to quantify the… pigeonification process. Let's define: H = Human DNA (specifically, Donald Trump's DNA) P = Pigeon DNA T = Transformation Factor (a measure of how effectively we can convert human DNA into pigeon DNA) Our equation would look something like this: H - (T \ H) + (T \ P) = P In simpler terms: We start with human DNA, subtract a portion of it based on the transformation factor, and add an equivalent portion of pigeon DNA. The goal is to end up with pure pigeon DNA. The problem is, the transformation factor (T) is likely to be an incredibly small number. Even with advanced technology, the efficiency of DNA conversion would be minimal. We're talking about a massive genetic overhaul. So, T would be something like 0.000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000001. You get the idea. Ethical Considerations: Should We Even Try? Before we reach a conclusion, we need to address the elephant in the room (or, in this case, the pigeon on the statue): Is this even ethical? Transforming someone into an animal, regardless of who they are, raises some serious moral questions. Are we violating their rights? Are we inflicting undue suffering? Are we opening a Pandora's Box of potential bioethical nightmares? These are questions that philosophers and ethicists have debated for centuries. And frankly, I don't have all the answers. But I do know one thing: tampering with nature on this scale carries significant risks. And we need to proceed with caution. The Verdict: Can MatPat Turn Donald Trump into a Pigeon? Alright, theorists, we've explored the science, the technology, the ethics, and the sheer absurdity of it all. We've delved into the depths of genetic engineering, nanotechnology, and even… magic. And after all that… what's the verdict? Given current technology and my particular skillset, NO, I, MatPat, CANNOT turn Donald Trump into a pigeon. The technological hurdles are simply too great. The scientific understanding is too limited. And the ethical implications are far too complex. BUT, given several decades of technological advances, I believe it's within the realm of possibility, and given the correct situation (IE: Blocking Steam release), I WOULD! But hey, that's just a theory, a FILM theory! Aaand cut!