Ughh I feel so bad

Sometimes I say the phrase “kill my self” or “kill yourself” too quickly cs it just LEAVES my mouth but here’s the thing….like I struggled with suicidal thoughts for 4 years and so whenever someone says something annoying it just runs out my mouth

Yknow…projecting your issues on others!

“Kill yourself”

“Wouldn’t be my first time”

Then I go silent….