something I'm writing (bad english)

i could feel every muscle of my body as i walked, my bones cracking against each other, my eyelids shutting and opening as i looked at nothing. everything was slow, and there i was, contemplating the abiss, all i did was walk non-stop. i felt seen, like the endless void has been watching upon my journey this whole time. my sword as my weapon, i kept it in my left hand, my right hand searched for something, anything that could be an obstacle to my walk. the arm was raised up high in front of my face, keeping me safe like a shield, that i, yet, couldn't have. i thought that there's more to life than this, but unfortunately, even if i had been someone else, I'd still complain. i found myself in an infinite dark alley in which i just walk untill my bones broke, until my breath ended and untill, finally, i could rest knowing i never made it to the end. my purpose in life was to get to the end of that alley, confronting and observing the past and watch as the future runs by like a train.

the day the bells were tolling for the dead was the day i stopped walking. i woke up from this weird dream where i was a little disgusting fish, the kind that lives in the deep ocean, at the bottom of it, in the dark where no one can reach it. i expected to wake up still in that form, with my sharp teeth and white eyes, and yet I woke up, in myself, with the same disappointment if I had arisen as a sea fish. now i lay completely still on the bed and wait for my mother to call my name again, i could not quite hear her the first time, but im sure she's getting closer. so i quickly stand up, leaving the comfort of the sheets and pillows behind. i dress up like an old doll, as fast as i can. i sit down on the pavement and wave my hands on my head to fix my hair, but they end up getting uglier.