failed in life

I am terrified by the fact that I failed in my adolescence since I couldn't even have a group of friends, go out to parties, have a boyfriend and all that shit that society says you have to do. you have to have in order not to fail in your life but what about me? I've never had any good experiences at school and it feels weird because when I hear people say "school and adolescence are the best years of your life" I want them to shut up forever for them it may be like that but for me it's not real. I've been scared and paranoid for years, begging for mercy, wishing I would stop being so invisible and miserable. people can be very cruel sometimes and the brain doesn't forget when they do what they want with you, when they exclude me with cheap excuses, they make my life meaningless and I think, why am I here if my presence bothers people? Why am I here if no one wants to see me or listen to me? sometimes I wish I was someone else  I want to feel what it's like to be appreciated and treated like a human being, not like garbage my only dream is to spend a day without regretting  but as I said, that's just a stupid dream that I'll never fulfill.