"Do I contradict myself? Very well then, I contradict myself."

This is my morosis. The way you're nothing yet everything to me. The way I'm just a friend; barely even that. The way you're nothing yet made me burst out laughing when everything was silent. Everyone stared but I didn't give a shit, and neither did you. God, am I seriously crushing on you? I can't be. You're just some girl with pretty blue eyes and a seriously broken sense of humour. I would love for this to happen, but it won't. And I'll force myself to have crushes on guys who I really couldn't give a fuck about. Oh, the internal homophobia. It's infuriating yet infactuating. I lied when I said I wasn't a hypocrite.

Those times when we spent lunch together, just the two of us. I could say it was fate, but it wasn't, it was just the way classes went. I think it's brought us closer, y'know? We sit together so often yet I'm only just realising how much I like sitting next to you. It quietens my mind, I suppose. You're just like me. If it meant I could spend my days and my nights with you, I would write you a thousand words in my best handwriting and send them off, and still not one of them would convey my feelings. Wrong place, wrong time, I suppose. It's not as if we could ever work. Not with the way people at school are about this kinda stuff. I guess people really haven't changed, huh.

And it/I wouldn't be this bad if there was anything truly there, something that showed that you felt the same way as I do. But there's nothing. We're just friends, is all. I guess I'll go listen to Bang The Doldrums on repeat.