School, Friends, Transferring, and Regrets.

Hi, this is my first-ever blog entry. This and my future posts will document and organize my thoughts on certain topics and events in my life. 

One of if not the most relevant things in my life is school. This being so big it will need some backtracking. To make a long story short I attended public school until 7th grade when I started homeschooling. Then once I reached my freshman year of high school I started taking community college classes until I graduated. Then I started at a small liberal arts college.

I just finished my first semester at college. It was very rough I won't lie. The homesickness went away after the first month, but the anxiety didn't. It was one of the worst mental health periods I probably ever had. The school is tiny (around 1200 students), old, and crumbling (the old president embezzled a ridiculous amount of money). I had completely lost my lust for life and motivation. For the first time in my life, I gave up on art. I had a very light workload that I could barely handle. I am still doubting if I should continue pursuing my major. Nothing seems worth the effort. 

It was also the most exciting semester I have ever had. Almost immediately I made some of the best friends I have ever had. I have never had such an amazing friend group. Every day we did something together. And every night we had dinner together.

Throughout the semester I thought of transferring until I finally decided to leave the last week of the semester. With the new semester starting today, I have gone back to community college. I have a work study with a professor here that will hopefully restart some of my passion for geology. Next semester I plan on starting at at one of the largest colleges around. So now it is time to work my ass off and save up for an apartment or something. 

I feel like I have abandoned one of the best things I have ever been given. I miss my friends so much already. That place was killing me but I had such a great thing going with my friends. Every day growing up I wished to have what I had with my school friends. And I gave it up. I feel like I've ruined such a great thing. I don't think they blame me, I still talk with them every day. But it will never be the same again. Even as I was experiencing moments with them I could feel it becoming a memory. The time would have always passed but I cut it short. I know that I can just drive down and visit, but I am so scared that life will get in the way and that our connection with fade. I know that it is natural for relationships to fade. But I don't want it to. 

I still think it is the right decision for me but it doesn't feel like it. I think I'm just afraid of missing out. And change.