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i hope you know that through every unspoken thought and misguided attempt and silent moment i still thought it was enough. i’m sorry. i’m sick, and staying in my room until further notice. so i’m with my thoughts. i say a lot of things i don’t mean and i think a lot of things i wish i said. it doesn’t change anything and that’s okay. but it was really enough for me the whole way through. in any instance. with any person. the fact i crossed into your life even for a moment gets to me. how could i ever be angry. and maybe it is cowardly to sit here and write about it than to express it. but i guess to me words have always been my greatest form of it. in moments like these i get heavy with the weight of not doing enough in the moment. i should’ve photographed it in my mind. i should’ve kept a grain of sand. i should’ve written down every word. i should’ve moved my hand this way or that way. i should’ve blinked less and breathed a second longer. because maybe if i had documented all of it then it would’ve been enough for me and everyone else. i don’t spend my time regretting. but i do spend my time wondering. it’s a little embarrassing to say it all. because it’s probably not right in some way. so instead of bothering the people i love i spend my time thinking about them. can you blame me? we are all such young creatures. i fear one day i will forget.