help?

this whole thing is a rant and just a cry for help. my whole life has been shit. all my relationships were either abusive or toxic. i lost all my friends in the past. my irl friends i feel like just dont wanna hangout with me cuz everytime i ask they are all busy. we used to hangout alot abt a year ago but idk what happened. they say they are just busy with their lives but idk. my online friends are states away and none of us have a way to visit. my mom is a narcissist transphobic asshole who never gave me comfort or love as a kid, so much that i dont even want it anymore anytime we hug (rarely) i just am repulsed. my dad used to be an abusive alcoholic but seems better now? hes still a dick tho, racist n shit. the only friends i hangout with now is my ex and his mom, (his mom is chill, the ex is a complete dick or at least used to be) and they are still long distance. we hangout every once in a while since we live close enough to get on a bus or train ride. so its all the people around me are just not great, i cant get a fucking job cuz of mental health, highschool dropout, selling my literal body for money online, my mom will kick me out if i dont have a job by the time im 20, that leaves me to move in with my dad which im currently doing just very slowly. my life is shit and i want out. i want all of this to end and just not deal with anything anymore. ive tried so many times but i cant seem to die. ive gotten better with that and the only reason im alive rn is cuz of my cat. if im gone who will take care of her? me and her grew up together. literally. i got her when i was 5 when she wasnt even a year old. what the fuck am i doing. idk what to do with my life. social anxiety, adhd, and bpd kicks my ass everyday, last time i got on meds it was really bad. everywhere i go something happens. everything i touch breaks somehow. most of my friends dont want me anymore. and on top of all that i got my dads addiction gene. how the fuck do i get better when ive tried everything there is. how the fuck am i supposed to live life. any advice? is life just not for me or do i actually have a chance at living?