Change – The Series

Change & A God

I sat down with a god over tea I didn't like, and she asked me why I live as if death is in every breath I take. I had no definite answer – I had not questioned it before and so I stumbled over my words. I told her I was scared, for I have always been scared. I told her I feared change.

She looked at me with her many eyes, and her words altered my being for the entirety of the life I had left to live. "Change is inevitable, change is constant. Welcome it into your mind and your life, live alongside it, and you will emerge different – You will emerge whole."

She left in that moment, the warmth from her presence wrapped around me in a knitted, swirly-patterned sweater, worn down with love and compassion. The tea in the mug I held was cold, and I sat in a long silence that lasted for days. In those days, I familiarised myself with the constant, the small changes. When I broke my silence, I left, bracing myself for the big change. I stepped out of the clouded room, emerging for the new me.

Fear/Change

      All that I fear of change:

        • Unfamiliarity

        • The hurt and the pain

        • The distances, and the isolation that follows

        • Losing more

        • The potential of failure and disappointment that creeps in and seeps out from my skin

        • Consequences, death

        • Nothing changing

      Why change?

        • To love myself unconditionally, to grow into who I wish to be

        • To grow old, hold their trembling hands, look into their eyes swirling with grief and loss, anxiety and fear, and tell them that it will be okay

        • To live my life without regret

        • To love

        • Learning from the lessons that come

        • To not be and stay stuck