Negotiating with my Little Claw!

Hey Hoglettes! I got some sea-ntillating drama and exciting news for you all. These politic things got all violently for us somehow! 🔍🎉

Eiran and Ekentas were the last to leave the dinner party a couple nights ago, and they seemed to be having a lovely conversation. 🍹🍸 Eiran has assistant vibes rather than commander vibes. I’m pretty sure everyone is lying on their resume here…👶🤔 Meanwhile, Xiomon got sick from the cheese and chive milkshakes. 🥤🧀 I thought they only served us one batch of those but maybe she went back? In the end of the night, We got our escort guard a plate of food from the kitchen before it closed, 🍔🍽️ then headed back to our rooms so he could eat and we could play ancient video games that Melpert and Remy had in their backpacks for some reason. 💁👾🎮

The next day, the cutesy Skittermander from last night came to collect us for the negotiations—they seemed to be a fan of mine! 🤪 Donovan investigated the legal documents and found info about incoming taxes and where they were going, which wasn't something people were talking about—how sus! Using his skills in paperwork, he was able to uncover some crucial details. 📓📄

I asked some pretty weird and basic questions, trying to keep people honest and breaking down these complex political terms. 🤯 Eventually, people surrounded me and gave me some ABCs for Politics, making these huge problems way less complex for everyone. 😊🌆

Melpert did a rap, and it was... interesting. It didn't go well with the audience, but he managed to influence some people from their reduced endurance against singing jellyfish.📡🙃Here are the lyrics:

Listen up you guys and gals

why can't we all just be pals

I'm a speaker for the Azlanti and the Vesk

some of you would call me Rubenesque

here's some finer points of this new trade

and at the end I'll quiz you for a grade

… so…yeah… that happened…

 Remy jammed himself into the computer (he's 80% computer now 💻) and was able to get Azlanti tax standards from prior years, finding some legal loopholes that may help us in our talks today. 🐀💫

Recess was called, mostly because people were pretty off put by Melpert's rap and wanted to move away from him. Awkward! During the break, Melpert looked into local gaming culture, but there wasn't one. 👹 Kinda boring people I guess. Remy tried to make slurpies with some ad hoc tech, but no one from this area seemed to want to try them. Maybe everyone’s diabetic? 💀 Donovan looked for local memes but found that people here were kind of wet blankets—very Karen-esque.  💔

💩 EVERYTHING HERE IS WEIRD 💩

I held a tiny concert at a park, and people seemed to really like it. Even some of the more reserved local parents were slowly coming around to the wild beats and swinging feets of my Skittermander mania. 🎉🌟 My 4 arms and 4 legs really got the crowds grooving. 💎💏 Remy tried to pop and lock, and it went okay-ish. 💃 Donovan took pictures for my blog 📸🙌 (he's so nice!), and Melpert looked like he was going to try to barge in with another rap, but then a scream broke through my music, and we noticed some dangerous things happening at the edge of the park. 💢💣

I got so angry at these scaley bad guys that I got the zoomies from Remy's slurpy and ran right up to one of them, smacking his face with my ribbon. I told a joke to the Ysoki caster that was so offensive it stopped him from casting his spell, and every bad guy just stared at me in shock—#ThanksMasSeef 🤡💥

Remy took a crit shot at the guy I smashed with my ribbon, making him look pretty bad off. 🌠 Melpert healed me with the power of song and friendship 💗🎶 and used mind bullets to ricochet around the bad guys' brains, making them all really scared. The battle raged on, with the bad guys hitting spells for very little and us hitting for a lot. 🤔 Melpert turned me into a giant crab 🦀 (just my front paws into claws), which was a weird turn of events and prevented me from telling further racist jokes—because crabs can't be racist. 🔅🦀🔅

We managed to put down all but one of the bad guys. Remy took one of them alive to question. 📢 The Vesk bad guy had no idea why the magic ratmen were exploding into eldritch magic—they were too extreme for him, which is why he ran away. 💡 Remy gave him a rebreather and shoved him into his backpack. We finished the battle and headed back to the weird spacemall building, the Hall of Promise. Remy dumped the Vesk from his backpack at Captain Vasoya's feet. She gathered the prisoner and put him into a holding cell. 👮👯

Melpert did a jellyfish dance that somehow made people less grossed out by him. 📣🪼 Donovan did a deep dive into Azlanti internet, trying to get people involved and make them want the treaty. 👫📨 Remy did further research into contract laws, sussing out the finer details. 📦📚 I failed at getting people to tell me the info Abadarcorp wanted, and mentioning slurpies made people immediately hate it. 🍦💔

At the end of the day, Vasoya got real upset (pretty unusual for her💀). She told everyone that now the signing part of the event was done, it was time for the real event—the monster fight. 👿 Vasoya's phrasing made it sound like she wanted to have a physical... thing, a sexual thing. 🤔I politely turned her down but agreed to fight a monster together. 😎 While I don't know anything about this monster hunt, it apparently has some weird mushroom/fungus stuff that can be caught on fire real fast—good for me and my fiery battle ribbon! 🍄🔥🎀