Getting bullied, my experience

Hii, I wanted to talk about my experience as (closeted) trans man in school.

For starters some info to understand better:

- I'm 16 now, was 15 in first year.

- I'm a trans man (somewhat masc presenting)

- I have a pride pin (the rainbow pride one)

- My class has 31 people, only 2 girls, 28 guys and me.

As the title says, and I hate it. I have no friends in class, and mind you, the class has 31 ppl in it. Surely, someone would talk to me??

Yeah, they sure did, in first year. But unfortunately a guy I was talking to confessed to me after only 5 months?? Like what??

And there was this other guy, but he completely ghosted me a few weeks after the other dude confessed.

Don't even get me started on that girl that was my friend at the start of the year but completely ignored me as soon as her friend from her previous school joined our class, it was as I've never existed before.

After that I tried being friends with other people but... THEY'RE ALL HOMOPHOBIC/RACIST??? And also think that yelling n-word and joking about Hitler is funny. So no friends for me.

But that isn't what I wanted to talk about, I wanted to talk about harassment I've experienced.

For starters, hiding my shoes. I've had my shoes hid in other classe's change rooms on more than one occasion. I got me really hurt when I came to school in my brand new combat boots and when I had to leave, I had to change my shoes, I couldn't find them. My bus was soon to leave, I was forced to leave in my shoes I walk in school in. My sister stayed in school longer, so she found them for me, I love her very much.

The next thing is finding my jacket on the ground. I remember that I almost always found my jacket on the floor, sometimes with shoeprints on it too. It stopped now, in second grade, but just last week I found my jacket, still hanging, but on the same hook was like 6 different jackets. My jacket, obviously, on the bottom.

What really stuck with me is finding my jacket (in the first year), torn. It really sucked. I had to sew it when I got home.

Now, a thing that really pisses me off is some random guy saying that he loves me, not even saying it, just texting me, while also making fun of me. I hear them laugh, since it almost exclusively happens in class. The first time it happened it was in first year to, now, in second year, it happens again.

I've heard them making fun of my pins behind my back too, and if not make fun, then take it as an invitation to say slurs.

They hate sitting next to me, like it's the worst thing ever in the entire world. We have some classes in a really small room, just enough for one group to fit (one group is 16 people). Everyday I pry that someone is sick, so I can sit alone. Because everytime someone does sit next to me, they laugh. The say that it's unlucky for the guy, that they feel bad for him.

What really annoyed me too was some guy randomly coming up to me and breathing in my face. It happened once, still annoying.

I try my best to pass as a guy, but that results in them sending videos in a group chat, that they found on TikTok, with girls with a visible bulge and tagging me.

I get tested for some of the stuff I wear, for how my hair looks, for my shoes since I have drawings on them, just for me speaking. I can't do ANYTHING without them laughing at me. I can't eat, I can't walk, I can't talk. It's so bad I'm scared to rise my hand in class. All this jacket stuff? It's almost winter, it's cold and on some days I'm scared to bring my jacket to school, I don't want to go to school.

My water bottle has a staw, which is really cool, but it makes noise sometimes, so I'm afraid of drinking near my class, because it might give them yet another reason to make fun of me. Today I brought a salad to school and 3 guys looked at me like I killed their whole family. Why are people like this? It feels like everyone's mean these days.

I'm grateful it never got to the point of being psychical, no pushing, or hitting, if anything then just throwing some stuff at me, like paper or an eraser, eventually a pencil/pen. I'm very grateful it never gotten to that point, I'm aware it could, especially if I were to come out of the closet.

That's all, I've finished my ranting, idk how to end it though.