re: "gender wars" and equality

cw: mentions of rape and sexual violence

id like to start this off by saying that i don't believe there should be so much dismorphism between "male" and "female"- we are really not so different at our cores and i feel that instead of trying to find every difference we can, we should strive for equality- HOWEVER. my view of what equality should be does not equal to "women should stop voicing their displeasure of their oppression by the patriarchal hand over their throats" like some people seem to think would be equality.

i despise terms like "gender wars", "boys will be boys", "male loneliness epidemic" and other such language made exclusively to label women as "hysterical" and "overdramatic" whilst simultaneously coddling and protecting men from the consequences of their misogynistic sexual violence. "boys will be boys" should refer to your six year old son filling the slip n' slide with mayonnaise because he thought it would make it go faster, not to an adult man getting called out for drugging and raping a girl at a party. there is no "gender war"- the two sides are not equal. misogyny kills and injures women and "misandry" makes butthurt men throw temper tantrums because people mentioned their "superiority" in society.

i do not know much about feminism as i was not raised with it- from a young age i was taught that i was inferior for being female and that i was hysterical for not ubderstanding why when it "should be obvious"- various things like that. i was taught that i should be grateful that men were hitting on me because i was so ugly (fat, covered in acne, makeupless, etc) that i wouldnt get any attention from them otherwise. one of my brother's friends used to record me without me knowing while i was at the gym and they both thought it was absolutely hilarious that i didnt like it. what i have learned over the years by piecing together all the papers i have read and all of the experiences that i have heard is that feminism has long been feared, demonized and trashed by both sides when it should be essential to all women, and i would argue to everyone in general. there should be no wage gap or opportunity gap, and female victims of all kinds of assault should be taken seriously and not reduced to "[name] alleges". the word "war" in "gender wars" is used to diminish the suffering of one side and pad the egos of the other, to keep up the general trend of war's usage when discussing conflicts and issues. cisgender men will never really know how it feels to be unsafe at night, how it feels to be catcalled and harassed (and taught that you should be GLAD at said catcalling because you wouldn't get any attention anyways even though catcalling is exclusively a power trip, a form of pure harassment and asserting of negative dominance), how it feels to be denied opportunities because people don't think you can do the job outlined or because jim from accounting doesn't want a WOMAN in his office.

sexual violence has long been used, again disproportionately by men, to assert said power and dominance over women- in times of war and in everyday society. soldiers in iraq boasted on tape about raping and assaulting iraqi women, including a rather infamous case of a 15 year old girl who had her entire family killed before she was sexually assaulted who ended up killing herself from the trauma. IOF soldiers in the occupied palestinian territory gleefully and frequently post photos of themselves wearing the lingerie and clothing from the homes of palestinian women that they have killed/displaced, and prisoners in israeli camps/prisons are frequently raped and otherwise tortured. men who are not even soldiers gleefully uphold these same values as well, as they know that depending on their circumstances they will essentially get away with whatever they want. people love to say "rape allegations ruin men's lives 🥺" as if there haven't been numerous american presidents alone who are/were convicted rapists. as if there aren't dozens of beloved celebrities who have come out of rape and domestic violence cases completely unscathed. as if these people don't get to live in society as normal people, more often than not with zero warning about how dangerous they are to those around them. 

(end note: i don't have a conclusion for this yet but i think ill publish it as is until i can think of a good one. p.s. i love you women and i love you feminism!)