young catharsis

everything is very weird. on one hand i have this beautiful thing going and i don't wanna fuck it up. i care a lot. and it seems to be working out i think. on the other hand i feel very.. messy.. muddy.. foggy..... about life. i feel more antisocial than ever. maybe i should up my meds dose.. doesn't help that my roommates are all older than me and have very fulfilling lives. i hold just this one thing in the palm of my hand. but my roommates are going to dance classes and their jobs and to bars and calling their families on the phone and i feel devoid of it all. i could do this other thing every day of my life and not get bored and like it a lot. i think. ive never felt that way about anything ive ever done before. only one way to know i guess.

also doesnt help that the sun is down by 5 pm.. i live in new york city.. i should be out.. but....

oh.. by the way.. i got my phone and wallet back. somehow. it was a sobering 2 weeks..